This has been a heavy month, especially with the news I heard today.
I understand now why March is always looked at with such a frown, there's so much transition and even when you read in between the lines, there's a lot to get through and understand.
Last week for 3 straight mornings I kept waking up between 4am-4:35am. I kept sensing something yet couldn't point my finger at what. Even while I was doing hair at one of my salons I kept having apparitions appear and actually scare me within seconds. Some of my clients would even ask me if everything was OK. Then yesterday as I was walking toward my apartment, I saw someone/something cross my window from the inside...was I scared??? A bit, yet I know that something was trying to get my attention, then as I was falling asleep I felt a male presence behind me...again, couldn't point my finger as ti who or what it was...
I received a voicemail from my Godmother (whom has been in my life since I was born to present day), informing me that my Godfather, her husband since they were late teens, had passed away last night at 8:10pm. I walked into my apartment last night by 8:30 pm...it was him whom I saw and felt.
Hearing my Godmother's voice crack on the phone really made me feel her pain...she's had this man next to her bedside for all these years, and now she has to accept what LIFE has brought to her...I can't imagine what she's thinking at his point. My Godfather had been sick for years, yet, she knew how to handle him, and he would even slip away to get his cup of coffee everyday at 6 am from the Donut shop around the corner..he would tell me that it was his favorite.
His memory was slipping and even up until the last time I saw him a couple months ago, he would address me as a friendly stranger, because the Erik he knew, was still 7 years old and 4 feet tall. He would even tell me to please say "hi" to 7 year old Erik the next time I saw him around. I remember a couple years ago I called him for Father's Day and he thought I was calling from a Credit Union...Ahahahahaha! I was laughing hard, yet I knew he was only going to get worse with time.
My Godparents have taught me what LOVE, COMPASSION, and COMMUNICATION all are. They always wanted me to please check in with them when I had even 2 minutes to spare. I'm glad I listened and continued to accept and express what they had always instilled in me, especially towards them. I will TRULY and DEEPLY miss him with all my heart and NEVER look at coffee the same way ever again.
FAITH comes in many forms, one of them is STRENGTH...I know my Godmother is being the rock as she normally is for her family as I type this, although now it's OUR turn to be that rock for her, and come Monday, I'll be there to support her as much as possible.
Rudy Carranza, Godfather, may you now be at peace with GOD and hurt no more. You are now able to run and get as much coffee as you'd like, I'm sure GOD has plenty for you! THANK YOU for being in my LIFE and teaching me plenty to survive in this world.
I LOVE YOU!
Your 7 year old Godson