Thursday, July 25, 2013

The "Feeling" I Buried

Nothing feels as good as when you know deep inside you've buried that ONE feeling that's been a haunting sting.

White flag after white flag you start to forget what it truly means to live for your own sake. You forget what an achievement feels like, and all of the sudden everything just combines itself and it's like any other day. Everytime you get hurt it actually barely phases you, it feels like a tiny scratch because nothing compares to what the "Feeling" is and what it did to you (What I did to myself). 

The "Feeling" even began to be my home. I melted altogether to seek what was literally nothing. How can a person even get out of that state of mind you ask??? Well,  LOTS of cookies!!! I tell you, I could've endorsed Oreo and Chips Ahoy

LIFE seems to be a blur for a lot of the last couple years, and I usually have a good memory. Friends tell me things that I have no recollection of. I started to think of myself as one big mindless blob that couldn't remember even the past 2 years.....that's how much the "Feeling" took over. 

It used to take over at night, it used to haunt my dreams even up to the last couple months. I had a knot that wouldn't go away in my throat and a speed bump in my head that kept me right where I didn't want to be. Sad but true.

As it was put to me in one of my therapy sessions, the "Feeling" is a thin vail that kept hanging over me. As lifeless and as thin as this vail was, it had the weight of a ton of bricks with a steel foundation. No matter how many songs I wrote, how much I would drown in stories of love, or how many times I desired to rise above, I couldn't lift it until I burned the vail and buried the "Feeling", what was left of it.

I buried it in you.

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