You Love Me

Ever since Kelly Clarkson came on the scene back in 2002, she's had nothing but success and hit after hit! All her albums have spoken volumes especially when it's come to her vocal ability and the melodies of the written word.

Nearly two and half years ago she released an album called "Stronger" where her lead single, "Mr. Know It All" drove the album to become her best vocal representation to date. Have to say, in my opinion, this album is the BEST in her music catalog due to her self-empowerment messages. Messages from experiences that Kelly herself has said to have lived and well, make great music topics and therefore become hit songs on the charts.



 One of the songs in particular on this album called "You Love Me" struck a chord
 (pun intended) with me especially when it came to 2 factors:
1) Kelly's vocal delivery 
2) The song's lyrical truth

"You Love Me" is the TRUTH that most failed relationships go through. The inadequacy that one person feels drives them to turn it around and blame others for their own insecurities and false successes. At one point, there's only so much blame one can take that they start seeing the pattern that keeps happening and ultimately are more hurt 
NOT for the blame, but for the ONE lie they were given, claiming to be loved while they were being broken.

"It was probably the most hurt I’ve ever been in my life. But by writing about it, I got to work through it and get it out of my system."
--> Kelly Clarkson about the "You Love Me" inspiration

Definitely been through this at least twice in my life, and the last time it happened, I almost fell for it, until a simple "I'm sorry" slipped through their tongue and suddenly my eyes were clear of any fog that was sent my way.

Yes, I will say that the first words that ran through my mind were, "You piece of SHIT!" For some reason I wasn't boiling inside, and that made me nervous because I thought that I seriously couldn't feel anything anymore, that I was numb to the situation. Clearly, that wasn't the case, it was simply that I couldn't believe that these two words had escaped the mouth of the perpetrator that was making me feel like I wasn't good enough for their time.

I felt betrayed because they clearly stated that the whole time I meant nothing, and the whole time, they were just killing time with me making feel like I was important to be around and talk to, when the TRUTH was, I was nothing to them. It does get to a person when all you feel is negativity about yourself. Though as they say, the way things start out is usually how things will end up. There was more attitude than respect to start off in the beginning, I should've known.

I can say that after that second experience, I know and recognize to move on when I need to. Just because they say they love you, doesn't necessarily mean they actually do, and we learn as we go, you won't be good enough for them for the simple fact that they're not good enough for themselves.

Should that be the case, move on and wish them well.

Just take a listen, "You Love Me" will inspire you to do the same:

The Comfort of the Night towards a Leap Of Faith

"As the sun descends and the stars begin to bloom in the sunset sky, the reflection of the violet ebony tones take over my outside mood and my mind begins to open to endless emotions of the PAST, PRESENT and what will become of the unknown FUTURE."
-->Erik Velasco

As kids our parents usually make us deal with the "Fear of the Night" concept and have us be completely afraid of the dark. According to them it's usually when all the "monster's" come out and nothing good is roaming the streets. That may be true in its rarest form in this reality, though, that's also when the artists of the world have the floodgates of their minds open and instead of walking through the dark and being careful, they're running towards the unknown to see what they can capture and mold it into a masterpiece of their own vision.
Sometimes the dullest objects become the beacon of hope of sensibility.

With ALL poetic advances aside, the only time I'm able to think for myself and see an alternative reality is at night. The silence really brings out the beauty that the world has to offer. When there's no one in sight and the moon and stars are gleaming, the only afterthought I have is that of 
"What Was", "What Is"and "What Can Become".
Most can and will relate this to fear, though I will say that I lived in fear for so long that if I was to tag this afterthought along the same lines, I wouldn't be a risk taker and therefore a dreamer.

I've written a lot about taking a "Leap Of Faith" that it almost seems like a whole different lifetime when I was afraid to jump towards my options.


The FIRST and by far one of the hardest one of its kind I'd ever had to endure was coming out to the world at 17 years old. It wasn't an option at the time, unfortunately I had to come out for my own sanity yet fortunately unknowingly, it turned out to be the BEST decision I'd ever endure.

During the day, I was afraid of my own shadow, thinking that the world would judge me for admitting what I'd been hiding for so long. I became my own monster when the sun was at its highest peak, and for no reason I was my own worst critic.

During the night, I had a great amount of inner strength with fearlessness to motivate a whole army. I felt ONE with the night sky and I felt comforted by the obscurity of what the darkness hid from my heart.

Ultimately FAITH held my hand and promised me to NOT let me go. After much anticipation, obscurity and self doubt, I went and jumped up at the chance to raise my chin and keep my head high no matter the criticism.

Sometimes standing over the edge of LIFE can make you tremble so deep in your core that you're faced with ONE option, and yet, you wonder what the next few years will be like should you NOT consider taking the chance to become a better YOU.

I'm able to convey now that 13 years later, I'm grateful for my lack of self inflicted judgement of myself and am ETERNALLY grateful for what FAITH has truly taught me,

TRUST in the unknown.

POST-Survivor

We've all been through that "Moment" in LIFE where we've had to learn how to survive on our own. As much advice as we wanted to get from our loved ones, this "Moment" was designed especially FOR us, BY us. Covering our hearts as best as possible to only become our own shield so we could protect what was rightfully ours. 

 

As the years have veered past us, we accepted pain, learn to take jabs as they come and most importantly, continued on our path according to what would be "The Way" for us. Every scar and scab have had the ability to heal in the comfort of it's own scar tissue. 

It only get's better from here right??!

Yes and Maybe.

Yes...because the new set of individuals that come forth will set us up to rise to the next chapter filled with new challenges and experiences ONLY to make us BELIEVE that we're worth the battle.

Maybe...because within the new set of individuals that come forth will be a handful of them that will take advantage of the newly skilled STRENGTH you've come to gain. 

POST-Survivor

 is what they call this new chapter...

Are you willing to risk it all?

 

My chapter came at the age of 25 when I broke free of my own "Moment". I can tell you now that the wolves dressed in sheep's clothing came out from left and right. It was like these individuals could smell the newly recovered fresh meat. 

 

My temperament was tested, my FAITH was being compromised and the ability to defend myself against them was put on a thin line. 

 

Every year from that exact moment, at least 4 of them came along for the battle. It had been exhausting trying to prove that I was the healthy minded person I'd become "POST-Survivor". UNTIL Year 3 came along at the age of 28 and it clicked in my head and I said,

"I really don't care to have you around!"

I started cutting ties so quick and every single one that wanted to continue this battle I just kept letting them waste their words and dirty minds on what would be THEIR greatest fear of all...they're own taste at solitude. Let me say and declare that I did nothing but literally cut ties and ALL communication, and they did the rest. 

I risked it ALL for the sake of my own peace of mind. I knew I had done the right thing especially when at night, I was comfortable with my actions and my ability to finally sleep with my OWN conscious and no one else's.  By this time, let's just say it was too late to beat around the bush, and quite frankly, it's never been my style. 

Since then I've done it time and time again and each time, I've been able to rise above it in every way. My focus becomes a lot more clearer and I know that I'm finally able 

to get away from what people see,

 a fragile simple-minded creature who understands it all.

POST-Survivor brought a CHANGE,

With that CHANGE came a CHOICE,

That CHOICE is up to YOU.

Given the OPPORTUNITY...would you?

Most often times than not,
we have the notion and play with the thought that if we were given the OPPORTUNITY to go back to that ONE moment in time where it ALL changed for us and we were willing to turn things around, would we even do it???

Truthfully,
LIFE would be a whole different story and we would be in a whole different position. It's pretty scary to think that we can still actually CHANGE the course of action should we want to present something or someone new to the table.

Any course of action comes from a reaction. Nothing of what we bring to our lives is as they say, "Just cause". It's hard to have to make up your mind especially when faced with a LEAP of Faith decision. Of course it always happens that when we become of our own worst fear, we shiver at the thought of even making a decision of ANY sort.

For this reason I ask,

Why be afraid of your own shadow 
when you've come this far?

Choices, decisions, and options ALL brought us to this very moment...the moment where we're able to think for ourselves and choose what we'll move forward with and what will stay behind.

People we come across, situations we consider and even phases that pass through our lives, they all contain a fair amount of uncertainty and once the storm passes, we have the moment of reflection and wonder what would've been like had we gone the other way.



When in this state of reflection, it's good to wonder...NOT linger. Lingering on and on will result in fear of our own shadow. At this point in our state of mind, there's only room for FAITH in UNDERSTANDING that we made the correct choices for the right reasons.



Understanding
A psychological process related to an abstract or physical object, such as a person, situation, or message whereby one is able to think about it and use concepts to deal adequately with that object.

Once having understood, ask yourself this question once again though remember to REMAIN in your position, should you agree to choices YOU made:

"Given the OPPORTUNITY to go back to that ONE moment in time where it ALL changed for you and are willing to turn things around, would you do it???"