A "Foolish Game" were you?

Musically, when you hear the words, "Foolish Games", what do you think of?

JEWEL???

My answer exactly!!

The song which was her third single off of her debut album, "Pieces of You" in 1997 became the break-up anthem in the late 90's for those who mourned a lost love. It's a great song, just like the rest of the break-up love songs out there, and the video in itself was quite dynamically interesting in a very rare artistic form. It sucks to think that just 4 years later, I would identify with the song lyric by lyric, yet, for some reason, it wouldn't make me cry (thankfully).

LOVE can make you feel all sorts of things, as we've previously discussed openly on the blogs. Once broken up from a love that meant so much though,  it makes you have ALL this rage, all this pain and energy that you've never felt while IN the relationship. Afterwards, after you give up feeling rage, you get melancholic and start adapting cloudy days, rain, and even dead plants to what is now left of your heart. Kind of like what Jewel describes in the first 2 lyric lines of the song:

You took your coat off and stood in the rain,

You're always crazy like that.

Jewel in "Foolish Games" describes this lost love of hers as a person who wouldn't care what they looked like, would do odd and peculiar actions and would be in a whole different relationship with himself than that of the person who was right in front of him. It almost seemed like he was too smart and too transparent for his own good. Usually, they say, "Opposites Attract"...at the same time, they can repel off eachother and explode. 

"Thoughtless Words" is used in the chorus of the song, and most often times than not, "Thoughtless Words" are what we tend to hear when trying to make sense out of a loveless relationship, in Jewel's case, these 'Thoughtless Words"that were being expressed were the ones breaking her heart. 

When one side is unable to hear and unable to express what is truly the pinnacle CORE of their LOVE, it all falls apart...making it seem effortlessly to NOT want to be where they've settled. Where a change has now been set in motion, making both sides wilt with despair, rage, and anger.

Was it all a waste of time? Was I the only one investing time and effort? Did I break my own heart? Should I have accepted what was in from of me?

All these questions ran through my head time and time again. Although I refused to believe that I was living and/or playing "Foolish Games". 

Until the TRUTH settled in. 

The one and only time having fallen in love and to know that it was ALL a 

"Foolish Game" was an eye opener, an experience, 

and most importantly an enchanting way of appreciating LIFE.

Diggin' On you

I'm in quite the musical mood these days! Songs have been making me reminisce my past quite a bit, and I have to thank a fellow co-worker of mine for this blog entry! 

Last week, she put our satellite  radio on a "Groove" channel at the salon and believe it or not..NO ONE complained!! What a miracle!!! Usually, my co-worker and I will be at the salon for looooong hours to make sure we make our clients look their very best, and what give us inspiration to create different looks is MUSIC. Even though we sit on opposite sides of the salon, we'll communicate often when a certain song strikes a chord with us...and THIS song did just that:

Now where does this song take me back to??? 

1994/1995

I was 11/12 years old and back then, my T.V. shows consisted of Sally Jesse Raphael, Ricki Lake, Montel Williams, Living Single, the third season of The Real World (San Francisco), and music wise, R&B acts such as TLC, Boyz 11 Men, Brandy and Monica (then 14/15 years old) 

and Mariah Carey. 

TLC were on top of their game when "Diggin' On You" came out as their 4th single off their Diamond Ceritied album, "Crazy Sexy Cool". Following their third hit single "Waterfalls", "Diggin' On You" sealed their fate for the next 4 years until they came back with "No Scrubs" in 1999. The album granted them 2 Grammy Awards in 1996, stamping their name in the music industry permanently along with fellow girl groups like En Vogue and Salt-N-Pepa.

What was so cool about TLC was that they had both street and class mixed all into one. T-Boz had her deep and sleek lead vocals, with Chilli backing her up with the upper range hooks and of course, Left Eye with the crazy rap rhymes that have inspired so many other artists out today. In 1995, they were grown women that would make the cameras HOT and so many of my pre-teen friends fall in love with them (I of course fell in love with their HAIR..go figure right!)

I was able to develop great memories from this era of music simply because I was discovering who I really was as a person. Luckily, no falling in love around this time, but I was developing what kind of music I was really into at the time, I was learning a lot about AIDS/HIV thanks to Pedro Zamora on The Real World episodes, and I was growing to see where I fit in as a gay pre-teen (even though I was in the closet still). TLC for me celebrated individuality, sexuality and creativity on all levels and therefore their music and style really spoke to me in so many ways.

"Diggin' On You" is one of those songs that simply makes you just want to unmask that crush of yours that you've been mushing over in your head for months. Although instead of being the little heart warming tune most pop songs are, its smooth, keep cool vibe allows you to control those emotions and play it off safe and not uncontrollably shake up with butterflies in your stomach. You knew that if TLC can play it cool, then it was REALLY OK to be "Crazy Sexy Cool". 

TLC, you're still on the map of music, and us fans cannot wait until we see you on tour this fall, 

ALL 3 of you!

Say My Name

Oh man did I get transported back 12 years ago just the other day when I heard this song on the radio! Even though Destiny's Child is one of my favorite girl groups, when in the car listening to the radio or iPod, at least for me, I forget to put on the songs that really mean a great deal to me..and well, this is one of them...

As I was driving on the freeway and heard "Say My Name" come on the radio, automatically my ears perked up like a dog's ears would, and my heart started racing fast, and the words were flowing like water out of my mouth. I could picture myself 60 lbs. lighter (leave me alone y'all!), with round glasses and my long curly haired ponytail (my high school look). I remember back in the year 2000, when "Say My Name" first debuted on the radio and TRL (Total Request Live on MTV), Mommy Dearest heard the song for the first time in the car and she said, "Who is this??? All they say is, 'Say my Nay'!!" Of course, I AUTOMATICALLY scoffed at her like the the Closet Queen I once was and said, "Mom!!! Don't criticize them!! They're amazing!" She just rolled her eyes at me, and she wonders where I got that from?!

I would BLAST this song in the car, on my discman, at school, and back then I was in the high school choir, so you know I was always wanting to sing it to all my friends. To this day, some of my acquaintances will post this video on my Facebook wall and say that this song always reminds them of me because of how obsessed I was with it. Truth be told, I always wanted a guy to SAY MY NAME, although, they normally opted for "Babe" or "Baby"...UGH!

Lets flow back when "Say My Name" became a hit back in the year 2000. Our Popstars back then were Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, *NSYNC, Backstreet Boys, and of course, 

Destiny's Child. 

 ALL of the Popstars I named were of the same age range, with some minor older folks, so when I NOW look back at this video, it's hard to believe that Beyonce, Kelly, Michelle and Farrah were 18/19 years old! 

Destiny's Child had just released their 2nd album, "The Writing's on the Wall" in the summer of 1999 with already 2 hit singles, "Bills, Bills, Bills" and "Bug-a-Boo" on their sophomore roster. When "Say My Name" was released in early 2000, 2 new faces were in the video along with 2 similar faces, making it a HUGE controversy for the famed girl group. The song was a hit, yet, would these new faces be able to carry on the Destiny's Child name? Talk about WORK WORK WORK! The ladies were EVERYWHERE appearing on television specials (most of which I recorded on VHS tapes), promotional tours in  the U.S. and Europe, and holding meet and greets anywhere possible. Pretty soon we were all saying their names (literally), until, they became a trio in the fall of 2000. Then it was clear, that Destiny's Child was OFFICIALLY Beyonce, Kelly, and Michelle.

"Say My Name" granted Destiny's Child 2 Grammy Awards, an MTV Video Music Award, a Soul Train Lady of Soul Award, and a BMI Pop Award. SUCCESS to its fullest!!! 

Behind the scenes, this was I'm sure the HARDEST era for the ladies being that they were dealing with everything from lawsuits to bad press due to the lineup changes. Still, when I went to go see them open for Christina Aguilera in October of 2000, they gave an even BETTER show than Christina and one couldn't tell at all that they had drama around them. They turned it around and made it a positive attribute for themselves and us fans...ALL with their belief in their FAITH and GOD.

I will forever be reminded of my teenage hood when I listen to "Say My Name" and my obsession for what would later become my eternal gratitude to Beyonce, Kelly & Michelle when I got the opportunity to meet them in person 5 years later and simply say, "THANK YOU!" 

 
 Beyonce herself mentioned her gratitude last year to ALL the members of the group, so here's a GREAT BIG THANK YOU to Kelly Rowland, Michelle Williams, Latavia Roberson, LeToya Luckett, Beyonce Knowles and Producer/Songwriter Rodney Jerkins for this great song!

When ALL else comes Undone

Ever tied your shoelaces and within minutes they come untied for no apparent reason? 

Then you tie them up again, and again within minutes, there they go again...frustration sets in, and you say to yourself, "Third times a CHARM!" Until....yeah you get the point. 

Well, that's how unraveling LIFE can become on a daily to monthly basis. We work to create a better LIFE for ourselves and to make things "simple" and NOT "complicated". Somewhere in there with LIFE though, curve balls are thrown in and we tend to either catch them, get bruised, or ignore them. The longer we ignore them, the more "untied" we get with LIFE. The more we get bruised by them, the more damage we cause ourselves, and the more we catch them, the more sense yet the more labyrinths we have a need to go through to get ahead.

EVERYTHING comes at a cost, whether it's time, patience or even just having good 'ol fashioned faith, everything comes at a price. I see so many people wanting to take free rides on others' expense, wanting to get ahead without them having the ability to catch or even get bruised with their own curve balls. What makes US greater people is by spreading the word as to how to knot up your shoelaces properly without having the risk of having them come untied in a matter of minutes, instead make them last a whole day or two without causing ourselves grief. 

Usually we feel the domino effect when one thing tumbles on top of the other, then for each of us (at least for me) the sky begins to crumble slowly but surely. The thing we tend to forget at times is that we are MEANT to sometimes tumble, and become untied with what comes next. It's virtually and physically impossible to ever have LIFE stacked up one thing after the other and not expect anything to fall. 

Perfection DOESN'T exist, no such thing, what DOES exist is IMPERFECTION. 

Can IMPERFECTION become something beautiful? 

ALWAYS!!!

A broken object, a smeared painting, a stained jean, even a scrape on your skin...IMPERFECTION is caused by a tumble, which came from a bruised curve ball, and was thrown off when we first became untied. 

I wouldn't have my career if it wasn't for a tumble, I wouldn't have my train of thought if it hadn't been for my laces ALWAYS becoming untied, I wouldn't have the LOVE I have today inside me if I hadn't caught my curve ball and bruise so badly that it nearly destroyed me.

 MY experiences definitely prepared me for the upcoming future.

I'm not saying to become undone for your LIFE to change, because that isn't it at all...I'm saying to GO with LIFE when ALL else comes undone. Some things aren't meant to fix, our human side doesn't need to fix anything, if anything at all, go with the frustration, go with the untied shoelaces, go with the curve balls, and most importantly, GO with the tumbles. I promise that it'll be worth the battle and worth every setback, for there ARE reasons for setbacks, just means were not ready to be given what we can't handle. 

When ALL else come Undone,

Go with it!

The day of ACCEPTANCE pt. 2

I found this quote on Facebook today and the entire day it spoke to me. It's almost as if it's explaining the way I've been living LIFE for the past 4 years now. 

We encounter so much and converse with so many people that it's a natural thing to deviate away from who you truly are to conform to what others want you to be. So much that we forget what it is that makes us feel TRUE, what makes us the person we truly are inside and out.

At one point do you ever feel like you're an actor for different reasons? 

Even the non confrontational part of you makes you not want to show your real heart, just so you wont have to ALWAYS defend yourself...it get's exhausting to want to conform to others let alone want to explain yourself and go into deep conversation every time.

In my case, a lot of the time it can be my sexuality that can set me apart from everyone else, in your case, it can be anything from your heritage, you've been adopted, you grew up in hard times, or even now in this time you're down on your luck while everyone is on a natural high, whatever the case may be, WE ALL have at least 5 close enough friends that we can count on. We have some kind of support system where we can talk, laugh, cry, and even go crazy at times with them without having to change or hide ourselves. We instead bring out ourselves out more and more that we are soon building what is becoming our inner being, our self esteem, our deep rooted smile.

Building LIFE from the inside out is exactly what's needed to bring the natural YOU out into the world. Many opinions will be made, will be said, will be met with expectation...yet to triumph, all it takes is YOU...again, YOU came to this world and YOU are who YOU are for a reason, now is the time to secure that reason and show who YOU are from the interior of your heart to the exterior of your smile. Accept what is yours because it belongs to no one else but YOU!

The day of ACCEPTANCE

Accepting oneself is a huge deal! When it comes to self esteem, one can be it's own worst enemy, yet, when someone else is judging themselves so harshly, we come to their rescue, leaving our own minds behind, thinking, "Oh I'll get back to me soon "...NOT!!!

Ever hear of the "Band-Aid" Syndrome? No? Well good, because I just came up with it, although it's had it's significance throughout my LIFE. I attract what I like to call the "Damaged" souls, the ones who need so much help rebuilding themselves that it can take anywhere from months to a year to more years ahead in the future. 9 times out of 10, they don't want help, they want someone who can listen to them, someone that will pay that extra attention to their very destructive detailed lives and minds.

I myself used to be one of these "Damaged" souls, always in need of someone's attention and in need to create a self improvement project. My goodness what was I thinking????

That was just it though, I was only thinking about the internal issues that plagued me everyday, and at that time, it was the sexuality issue. When I came out at the age of 17, I lost many friends and was put in a "Gay" category that gave me a title that I lived up to (according to my older brother). I was in desperate need to shed the title of "Gay" and wanted to show everyone that even though I came out to the world, I was still as normal as anyone else. I hid behind my ever changing hairstyles, my dark clothing, and my dark attitude. Every person I could grab that would listen to my dilemma of the "Gay" and Normal battle, I would try to convince them into telling me that they understood where I was coming from, even though they were lost in even wanting to understand anything at all. I was making a mess out of their minds and mine all at the same time!

That is until I started to meet other people that had the same dilemma if not a story very close to mine. I started to hear about young teens and adults ending their lives because it was too much for them to handle on the inside, let alone pouring their hearts out to anyone out there in the world. It took me by surprise how many of them never really came out to their friends and loved ones for fear of rejection, for fear of being "Gay" and wanting to be normal, not wanting anything or anyone to change around them. That's when I really started to pray for answers, answers to the questions that were often unfairly asked,

"Are you...G-A-Y?"

"How does it feel to be GAY and religious?"

"How do your parents react to you being, you know, GAY?"

"What does it mean to be GAY?"

These were the 4 most frequently asked questions at the time that I would hear often, they got a bit too much for me after a while. After answering each question in detail to the best of my knowledge year after year after year, I had finally come to an epiphany, a thought that would make ALL the sense in the world...

I AM who I AM for a reason.

 I'm here to tell others that you CAN be any color of the rainbow, you CAN be different and STILL love in ANY way, shape or form, and you're just as lucky to be alive as anyone else on this earth.

OWN your smile, your heart, above anything, OWN yourself. Learning to cry is having experience to shed skin in the near and distant future. As long as you rise above your "Damaged" title, all will be in its proper place to ONE DAY accept YOU as YOU are, for YOU are loved as is.

If for whatever reason next time you attract a a "Damaged" soul, remember to listen and offer your story for hope, for they might just need that "Band-Aid" for the time being to lead up to their day of ACCEPTANCE.

<--The Control YOU CAN'T Have-->

Controlling your own destiny, controlling your own LIFE, controlling what you say, controlling what you do, controlling what you wear, controlling who speaks to you, controlling the future....

All of which, 95% of what I just mentioned you CANNOT control, you just have to

LET IT BE.

The first thing we want to do for ourselves and for our lives is control our daily minutes from the moment we wake up in the morning to the moment we fall asleep at night. They say that you are the way you are because you're controlling your own path, which is true, although, how much of it do we actually have STEADY control of and not MANIPULATE the decisions we are faced with??

By MANIPULATING choices in our lives we are MANIPULATING the outcomes to actually WANT them to come out the way we would like to see them to. Which in the end, what is it that will stick around in our lives? Is it going to be the MANIPULATED outcome or that of the STEADY control outcome? Also, which one will allow us to be real in our everyday state of mind?

It all sounds complicated, yet, it comes to this:

While were able to control our eating habits, where we go, our sense of direction, and what we do with our lives overall, we are NOT allowed to control what IS and what ISN'T supposed to be for us in the present and/or future. There really is no explanation for this uncanny rule of regulation, and even when we use our abilities of MANIPULATION, we'll see the outcome sooner or later, either way, the UNIVERSE has it's way with what IS supposed to be for us at that very moment. 

If you really think about it, what is it that really drives us at times to want to MANIPULATE an outcome? Is it really worth it?

These days, the response I hear a lot of is"...because my Happiness depends on it!"...well, if its that important, then why not strive for happiness? Why not take the proper steps to get to the point where we can GENUINELY be happy instead of cheating ourselves of the growth that is necessary?

Yes...so many questions, so many different answers, 

yet

remind yourself that the control YOU can't have isn't necessarily 

a bad thing, it's untouchable for a reason...

for you to GROW,

and the control you CAN have is there as a tool to help you TRUTH.