Thursday, June 7, 2012


Accepting oneself is a huge deal! When it comes to self esteem, one can be it's own worst enemy, yet, when someone else is judging themselves so harshly, we come to their rescue, leaving our own minds behind, thinking, "Oh I'll get back to me soon "...NOT!!!

Ever hear of the "Band-Aid" Syndrome? No? Well good, because I just came up with it, although it's had it's significance throughout my LIFE. I attract what I like to call the "Damaged" souls, the ones who need so much help rebuilding themselves that it can take anywhere from months to a year to more years ahead in the future. 9 times out of 10, they don't want help, they want someone who can listen to them, someone that will pay that extra attention to their very destructive detailed lives and minds.

I myself used to be one of these "Damaged" souls, always in need of someone's attention and in need to create a self improvement project. My goodness what was I thinking????

That was just it though, I was only thinking about the internal issues that plagued me everyday, and at that time, it was the sexuality issue. When I came out at the age of 17, I lost many friends and was put in a "Gay" category that gave me a title that I lived up to (according to my older brother). I was in desperate need to shed the title of "Gay" and wanted to show everyone that even though I came out to the world, I was still as normal as anyone else. I hid behind my ever changing hairstyles, my dark clothing, and my dark attitude. Every person I could grab that would listen to my dilemma of the "Gay" and Normal battle, I would try to convince them into telling me that they understood where I was coming from, even though they were lost in even wanting to understand anything at all. I was making a mess out of their minds and mine all at the same time!

That is until I started to meet other people that had the same dilemma if not a story very close to mine. I started to hear about young teens and adults ending their lives because it was too much for them to handle on the inside, let alone pouring their hearts out to anyone out there in the world. It took me by surprise how many of them never really came out to their friends and loved ones for fear of rejection, for fear of being "Gay" and wanting to be normal, not wanting anything or anyone to change around them. That's when I really started to pray for answers, answers to the questions that were often unfairly asked,

"Are you...G-A-Y?"

"How does it feel to be GAY and religious?"

"How do your parents react to you being, you know, GAY?"

"What does it mean to be GAY?"

These were the 4 most frequently asked questions at the time that I would hear often, they got a bit too much for me after a while. After answering each question in detail to the best of my knowledge year after year after year, I had finally come to an epiphany, a thought that would make ALL the sense in the world...

I AM who I AM for a reason.

 I'm here to tell others that you CAN be any color of the rainbow, you CAN be different and STILL love in ANY way, shape or form, and you're just as lucky to be alive as anyone else on this earth.

OWN your smile, your heart, above anything, OWN yourself. Learning to cry is having experience to shed skin in the near and distant future. As long as you rise above your "Damaged" title, all will be in its proper place to ONE DAY accept YOU as YOU are, for YOU are loved as is.

If for whatever reason next time you attract a a "Damaged" soul, remember to listen and offer your story for hope, for they might just need that "Band-Aid" for the time being to lead up to their day of ACCEPTANCE.

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