I'll Cover You

Back to music y'all!

Most of my time is spent in my lovely Beetle of a car these days. What usually keeps me busy on the road besides dodging other cars and catching up on phone calls is randomly playing songs on my iPod....and well this song recently came up, and it's by far one of very few that make me really think deeeep:

I'll Cover You (Reprise)

RENT

In case you haven't heard about the musical RENT, it's a Broadway based musical that has been performed nationwide by both Broadway and Pop singers alike to tell the story of 7 individuals in 1989 New York Tent City during the rise of AIDS/HIV.

RENT deals with subject matter of the initial disease, promiscuity, drug use, love, individuality, the celebration of living LIFE and acceptance. It's a very moving story which really opens your eyes to the other side of the world and what people still to this day must be dealing with. 

The song 'I'll Cover You' is sung 2 times throughout the story and this one in particular is the 2nd time it's being introduced. It's sung by the character Tom Collins (Jesse L. Martin here in the film) whom just lost his partner Angel to AIDS. Earlier in the musical and film 'I'll Cover You' is sung by both of them as they declare their love for eachother and their promise to be there for one another. Needless to say, obviously, Angel lost his battle to the disease and now Tom (aka 'Collins') is feeling the pain and emptiness without having Angel next to him, and while at Angel's viewing, as many of his friends are talking about his life and inspiration, 'Collins' begins to sing the song that they once sang together in their promise during better days. 

To tell you the truth, it's so beautiful the way LOVE is celebrated during this part of the story. It's very sad and endearing, yet, so fulfilling to know that 'Collins' loves Angel that much! His baritone voice just adds that extra feeling to the words of promise. I myself can't imagine how much pain it must feel to lose someone you love that much and can't do anything about it 

but to live and continue LIFE. 

Most individuals in today's world are not only passing away from AIDS/HIV, Cancer is also becoming a BIG epidemic and no matter what, to lose anyone to anything of that sort is always painful. Losing anyone is painful in itself...though this is where we tend to learn the most out of our strength and willingness inside of us. 

Our promise to ourselves should always be to fight for what we believe in and fight for what is to be true. LOVE is TRUTH, in ANY way shape or form. It's hard to know that one day, we will ALL be put in Collins' position where we must stand tall and learn to lose a loved one, and yet continue to live without them here present. 

My message to those whom already done so and/or are going through it as we speak...know that it will get better, it just takes time to let the heart know of it's initial shock. Surround yourselves with as much love and support to help you get to where you need to be. LIFE has it's many twists and turns, although know that if anyone knows your stance on pain, GOD does....

ask and you shall receive... 

 Understanding comes in many forms, LOVE is merely one of those forms <3

`~"The GUIDE to Supporting a Loved One"~`

It's imperative to have the support from your loved ones everyday, whether you're going through thick or thin times in LIFE. Though unfortunately, there's ALWAYS that certain something that lacks the support, especially coming from our inner circles.

I've spoken candidly about my up and down relationship with my Mom aka "Mommy Dearest", and when I told her that I actually write about her in my blogs, her words were,

 "Oh great! I can only imagine what you're writing about me!" 

See to Mommy Dearest, believe it or not, the majority of the world is always against her, she's the victim in ANY situation. My response to her comment was,

"Actually Mom, I write about the TRUTH in my blogs, even though we've had bad times, I want to be able to help people who also grew up like me just in case they can't escape their bad moments in their childhood, so in the end, you're helping instead of looking bad!"

Needless to say, she still wasn't convinced.

The following that I'm about to mention is dedicated to ALL of you out there who had a similar experience to what I went through in my younger years, and now as an adult:

Parents--> Please know that you have my FULL support in that I am a firm believer that you are doing the best that you can for your children, no matter the age. Yet, also remember that your kids are HUMAN. They have feelings, they also care for you as much as you care for them. When you hurt, they hurt along with you, when you are angry, they're on your side and NEVER against you unless you put them against you. Yes, kids don't come with a book of instructions, although they do come with opinions and a heart of their own, you can ALWAYS be upfront with them about anything your heart desires to ask an/or know about them. Whatever you do, please DON"T treat them like the enemy or EVER be jealous of their triumphs, they want you to be a part of them even when they say, "Mom, Dad please stop asking me about my life!" That just means you're always invited : )


Children, Teens, Young Adults, Adults--> Know that your parents are your parents no matter what! They're set in their ways because that's just how they were raised. You cannot convert them to modern day thinking unless you explain to them what will be the benefit of them having to change and follow new and "improved ways". Yelling at them will get you NOWHERE but on their bad side. Rolling your eyes will only get you a slap on the head if you're lucky. Understand that your parents are just as much as you are. They too make mistakes and they're counting on you to feel for them. It takes a strong tie to want to be one with your parents, and it takes a stronger individual to want to understand who and what they're all about. Acceptance goes both ways, not just from your side or their side alone.

The essential part of supporting a loved one is knowing how to develop the following:

-->Patience

-->Undertsnading

-->Acceptance

Mommy Dearest and I STILL lack ALL three of these words and their actions. At times she'll be fine with me on the phone and the next it's almost as if I declared WAR against her. It's a "Catch 22" with her. Just recently for instance I had done her hair and pre-booked her for a 6 week touch up. Now mind you, she's always saying how it's unfair that I do everyone else's hair, except for her's. So what does she do when the time comes to confirm? She CANCELS and says she did her own roots! I just don;t get the woman, though, she's my Mom, what can I say?!

The last essential part of supporting a loved one is by adding these next and LAST 3 words 

and their actions:

-->Listening

-->Affection

-->Undying Love

I have only 1 of these words down. It's a work in progress between us.

All I'm saying is, PLEASE give it your best to know that ALL it takes is effort and will to support a loved one, whether they'd be blood or not. I myself exercise what I just mentioned above as much as I am WILLING to do so with Mommy Dearest, and even so, were going step by step. How long will it take?? As long as we want, for our bond does lack support and love most of the time. I just hope her and I learn from each other enough to be able to help others in the process and give back to our own troubles.

Flaws make us HUMAN

To feel the pain of a FLAW is to recognize the empty sense of heading towards the wrong direction. We humans tend to punish ourselves severely while recognizing how flawed we really are whether it be on the outside or on the inside.

Literally, 

~EXPECT the UnEXPECTED~

I'm here to say that it's OK to recognize and admit a Flaw. So many people around us can be judgmental and send us toward the realm of despair without them even knowing they're doing it.  It doesn't help any that when you confide in someone about your insecurity they can make it even worse by judging every form of action you've taken thus far. At some point during the judgments we want someone to understand where were coming from, where it is that we feel the most of our stagnant actions. 

Yet, where can we find those who would understand our need to stop and move on from our insecurity?

The answer to that question can only be answered by YOU only..for it is YOUR decision to want to change an imperfection, a flaw that can no longer exist. 

Now you may ask yourself, 

"Who would allow me to keep growing further down the line?"

Whomever your answer may be, make sure they know the positive benefits to how YOU are able to LOVE in the world...make sure they know how much you respect yourself and others and are always in need of growth and above all, make sure they LOVE you unconditionally!

Unconditional LOVE 

has no boundaries, no walls and most importantly, it has no room for judgment.

We all have flaws that make us who we are, whether for the best or for a lesson that needs to be taught to us down the line as we LIVE LIFE. Believe in yourself that you can make better choices and you can make yourself available for others to be able to learn from your not so happy times.

Allow yourself to fully accept your imperfection as it is 

and as it came to you, 

for the best is yet to come!

Timeless

Timeless

<Without Beginning or End>

Now what exactly prompted this headline??? Truth be told, a song I heard in a movie last night, and of course, at 1 am, it made me start thinking (my BLQ wheels were turning!).

LIFE has always been conducted by TIME, were always in a hurry, have to go here and there and no time to eat and rest and have to accomplish 5,000 things before 5 pm or the world as we know it will CRUMBLE and we won't live to see another day!! PHEW!!

 Sound like daily American life y'all??? Well, unfortunately, this is what we TRULY are!

TIME defines

-->Stress

-->Nourishment

-->Pleasure

-->Careers

-->Will Power

-->Strength

--->Success

All of which we CANNOT live without because daily, TIME is NOT on our side, and if it is, it's very rare. For some reason, if by the age of 24 we don't have a name for ourselves in ANY business or entrepreneurial venture, were considered failures and will mount to nothing. If by the age of 30 we don't have a settled marriage, debt, kids and 2.5 kids and a white picket fence, then were considered loners who know nothing about LIFE. If were overweight and have a muffin top that shows then were careless and have eating problems because for ladies above a size 4 its considered "obese" and for gentlemen having a gut is in "poor taste" of one's self esteem. 

MY take on TIME...

LET It Be!

Since I graduated high school at 17 I was able to obtain a retail job, get a car, pay my own tags and taxes, share an apartment and become a LICENSED COSMETOLOGIST by the age of 19.

By the age of 21 I had partied my nights out with only 2-3 hrs of sleep per night, was able to create a stable clientele in a salon and by this time I had sold my 1st car only to own a Nissan Pathfinder, was on my 4th year of helping out in a Catholic Church Youth Ministry and had recorded 2 of my  independent solo music records.

By the age of 25 I had resigned my position as Salon Manager at my current salon that I had been with for 6 and a half years, moved to another salon in the next city over, was FINALLY relieved of my 8 year broken heart, had accepted myself fully as a GAY man in society, was getting ready to record my 4th and final music record, enlisted on losing weight to feel better about myself, left my volunteering position at the Catholic Youth Ministry after 7 and a half years, started to branch out for work in Los Angeles to further my hair and make-up career, and 

"Busy Little Queen" had been born.

If you notice, the list was getting bigger and bigger, and, that wasn't everything. Back then I felt like I needed to obtain as much as I needed to prove a point to the world. My world contained ALL that I listed above in what "TIME defines...". Was it exhausting?? 

Yes, but it was a crazy busy world that I had no time to think.

Now at almost 29 years old, my world is busier, although, I Let It Be. I've learned that GOD is the ONLY infinite being that can open doors and allow you to see that TIME is actually TIMELESS, without beginning or end. WE make TIME have it's limits and confine it in a box, and usually we challenge ourselves for it NOT to be confined in our "imaginary" box. 

The challenge should really be NOT to have a GRASP on TIME, and to actually look at LIFE in a TIMELESS manner and enjoy EVERY moment whether good or not so good, for we GROW in a TIMELESS manner no matter what.

I wouldn't change a thing about my past, though NOW I've changed my boxed TIME frame to a TIMELESS state of mind for my present and future..

ANY success is TIMELESS.

I Don't Wanna Fight

Yup! I'm still in the music type of mood! Can't help it y'all, hope you like this one as much as I do!!

Last week I left you guys with "Foolish Games" by Jewel, and it dealt with the first and ONLY time I fell in love, whether or not it was a foolish game altogether. Now let's move on to:

Tina Turner

I Don't Wanna Fight

Now we ALL know Ms. Tina!! She's excelled above and beyond in LIFE and LOVE! I'm an 80's baby (1983 to be exact), and my first memory of ever listening to Tina Turner was "Private Dancer" which actually came out in 1984, yet by the the time I was 4 or so I remember having been exposed to "Private Dancer", "What's Love Got to Do with It", and her role in "Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome" with Mel Gibson. 

In the early 1990's the biopic film about Tina Turner, "What's Love Got To Do with It" with Angela Bassett and Lawrence Fishburne came out and was released in theaters everywhere. It was a hit amongst critics and the public and to this day, it is continuously being played on the movie channels and on T.V. Mommy Dearest wouldn't let me watch it back when it was released because of it's heavy content, and I actually got to finally watch it back in 2006 all by myself at midnight one night. I loved it, yet at the same time, what a LIFE Tina had to endure to achieve her happiness. She really did live hell on earth! Though now she's living HER LIFE HER WAY! In the end credits of the film I was reminded of a song that I loved so much by her and had listened to waaaay back in the day, and I remember the next day getting her greatest hits which included this very song (Pre iTunes y'all).

"I Don't Wanna Fight" is a telling and description of a love drifted apart by their own separate endeavors and new ways of life. Yet as many of us do, we tend to linger and try to make it last as long as we can, developing tiny fights out of the smallest things and seeing something out of nothing. Yet one side of this "love grown apart" is simply over it, wants nothing to do with the left overs, and just wants to move on, no matter who's wrong or right. 

Explanations are tiresome at times, over and over again, the same thing everyday and night can be the most exhausting conversations ever! How many times is anyone willing to hear the same thing about simply nothing? Many want to hurt the other person they keep stringing along, and want to teach them a lesson to make them see how much they're hurting, yet again, why even do so? Revenge isn't the answer, and so one might be asking themselves, "They hurt me, so why not make them feel it?" Is there a point to that action? If anything, it'll come back to you in due time for making others feel worse than what you're already feeling, and acting out of spite brings nothing but the worst out of the human heart.

We were brought here to LOVE, to FEEL, and to GROW as human beings, NOT to deliberately hurt one another. Yes, we unintentionally hurt one another at times, we grow apart instead of growing together, and we find coverage in being cowardly as well, yet, listening and paying attention to the downside and darkness of one's feelings is where we must NOT rely on and actually grow with a deeper sense of moving on, try and give intent to WANT to piece ourselves back with the best we can offer our damaged soul. 

For Tina Turner, it was a sense of religion and meditation that gave her that piece of mind and made her grow stronger into herself. A man broke this woman inside and out, and to see that all she wanted to do was let go, really made me think,

 "If she can do it, ANYONE can!"

Ms. Turner, thank you for showing the world that through loving yourself and finding GOD and peace in your own way, anything is possible as long as YOU do it. 

The belief of HEALING is possible.