I was told recently that you've been thinking of me....
"Recently" has now turned into almost a year.....
Within the months you've gotten stronger....
Within the days the signs have been inevitable, no matter how quietly I've tried to ignore them...
Your name pops up everywhere....
When I thought I had closed my door...yours remained open.
Damn!
To this day I have a belief in my mind that you have this resentment toward me. Almost as if you're asking yourself, "Why did you do this to me?" Believe me, the day I poured my heart out to you was the day I'll never forget your expression and reaction. It was almost as if you were turned inside out, without having been asked permission. To that extent, I will always continue to say, "I'm sorry".
Before anything, let me recap this from my behalf...
The day we very first connected I remember so fondly, although I'm sure you don't. I seem to have a memory that goes far and beyond that's its not even funny. When I first laid eyes on you all I wanted to do was say "Hi", and even back then I was as shy as ever. For some reason I connected with who you were, who would've thought that it would've been you whom allowed me to discover myself in a million ways.
You gave this confident exterior that only a few people got you, then before I knew it you joined one of my favorite activities in hopes of getting an easy grade. It was then known that it was nothing to you, yet to me, I wanted to get to know you, this gentle soul I knew was in there somewhere. Within a few months you turned out to be one of the most caring people I had the pleasure of knowing. As time went on I knew that you played with people's feelings, yet I was certain you wouldn't play with mine.
The first year we grew close, even had deep phone conversations getting to know one another on a personal level. I know that was a lot for you being that you weren't a phone person, and you're still not. By the end of that year, you had written a special message to me that I continue to carry with my belongings whereever I move to this day, it was a message that I knew came from your heart, because you had asked me to give you time to write it and be patient with you as you took your time, then had asked me not to read it until I was alone. It was heartfelt to say the least.
The second year was smooth starting, even growing closer. By then I had found out that tradgedy had struck your inner circle, in a way that very few people knew. I pretended not to know for respect of your privacy. Back then I wasn't religious whatsoever, yet I remember praying for your loss... GOD must've not been too thrilled with me at that time, though I'm sure he knew my intentions were real.
The feeling I would get knowing I would get to see you was electric. I just wanted to see your smile, feel your warm hugs, and to this day, it was your touch that had me sealed. I knew I had your shoulder to lean on if I ever needed it. Until the time came when your heart was split in two. I was told by others to pull away, yet I wouldn't and I didn't listen. I was told not to see the TRUTH, I again didn't listen and wanted to see it for myself...
It was more than what I bargained for.
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