Saturday, January 19, 2013

"Cause I'd Already Know" Part 2

I saw that your eyes were seeing someone else, though I wasn't sure your heart felt the same....

Your hugs were stronger than ever, yet you weren't all there....

You never mentioned there was another person entering your life....

As I saw it unwind before my eyes...

I knew this would be a never ending subject....

Boy was I right! 

I should've come forward sooner with my insecurities, with my doubts, and all I kept doing was suppressing them to the deepest core of my emptiness. I no longer felt the security you once gave me. Seeing you with another made me feel low, then soon after, I had to blow up. 

The last thing I ever wanted for you were the lingering questions of whether or not you felt happy with me, or was it that you and I had 2 different visions of what we meant to each other. Either way, I knew I had lost, and STILL, I put up one hell of a tantrum fight.

I remember crying knowing that you weren't going to be in my LIFE for long because sooner or later you were going to be asked to never associate yourself with me. It was a feeling I was deathly afraid of, and a solitude I wasn't prepared for. Blaming GOD was the easy route, though I had no one to blame but myself.

Since then, I was taught to face my fears, I was taught to know and recognize what the blessing was in my experience, and I was told that LOVE was a feeling given by GOD himself. I was also told to never forget you, if anything, I should thank you for giving me the opportunity of discovering my patience, my compassion, my heart. 

Some would call it "obsessive", I call it self discovery.

As you and I went our separate ways, yes, there were times I just couldn't stay away, and it must've been unnerving to you, I know that now. I cried, I sobbed, I felt unworthy and for 2,996 days of my LIFE I asked myself, "Why"?

I have since allowed myself to heal in many ways, to the point where I am now able to help others in their time of need. Ever so often do I think of what I once had, songs come up, names will pop in front of me, your touch can NEVER be duplicated nor do I ever want it duplicated. Even some people who, have wanted to capture my heart simply can't, because they're not you. One has been wanting to see what I have to offer, yet before I allow them the opportunity, I need to attend to this open door of yours first and foremost. 

In plain sight, I want you to be happy. I would love to have you back in my LIFE for friendship purposes, nothing else. I'm as good of a listener now as I ever was way back when, therefore if you need a good listener, let me know. I don't expect an apology nor am I ever looking for one. My heart had seeked it for years, yet I knew that time would heal my wounds and that your silence would be that apology of yours. I came into your LIFE to let you know how much ONE person can love you, no matter what. You came into mine to help me see who the real "me" was and still is. I wouldn't take anything back and neither should you. 

I've listened carefully to your indirect messages, and I've thought long and hard... above anything I give you UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, the value of these words and their actions are worth more than anyone will ever know. For you my dear friend..ANYTHING

I would want to know your response, although...

I'd already know..  

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