Friday, October 7, 2011

A SELFISH heart is a terrible thing to WITNESS

Concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself : seeking or concentrating on one's own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others.

For some reason, I've been seeing this action a lot lately! Unfortunately, it's been plaguing the hearts of many, due to a lack of personal acknowledgment.

When I was younger between the ages of 13-16 I had my selfish years. I felt like everybody had to do everything for me and had to buy every item for me. I felt deserving of people's time and money, and was always looking for approval from everyone around me no matter if I didn't even need it .
Booooy did I ever get a rude awakening!

Of course after constantly repeating these actions I felt what a normal person would naturally feel: EMPTY!

I was stagnant as a teen, I felt the urge to want to change my ways yet in my selfish little big head, I wanted to continue to make people feel like I was the most important "thing" on earth. Until the day came when my Mom put me in check after raising my voice at her in front of my stepfather.

I was invited to a friend's house to go watch an event on T.V. and I had TOLD my Mom, not asked, TOLD her that I was to be at his house by no later than 6 pm. Well on the day of, my Mom had told me that she didn't know if she could take me at all, due to her having a lot to do around the house. So then, in the kitchen, as she was washing dishes, and as my Stepfather was crossing her path behind her, I abruptly said, "FINE! I don't have to be anywhere at all! Since I'm always trapped here with nothing to do!" I then stormed into my room, and as I closed the door, my Mom opened it right back up and said, "The only reason you're still breathing is because Tony (my Stepfather) was in the room, so you better thank him for me not burying you alive! Secondly, I owe you nothing! It's my choice to see that you go to your event, therefore, I suggest you change your tone and help me out if you want to get out of here alive! You selfish piece of good for nothing!" 

I'm not kidding you, from that moment on, I didn't need to reflect on anything my Mom had said, I heard her loud and clear, and I felt so ashamed for having acted the way I had been acting for so long. I wasn't understanding or sympathetic whatsoever, I wanted everything for me, everything to come to me on a silver patter without cause or repercussion. Later on at my friend's event, I was so quiet the whole time, even my friend was asking me if I was OK. When my Mom picked me up from my friend's house, on the ride home, in the silence of it all, I apologized to my Mom for the way I acted and for how I'd been treating her. She simply stated, "I just want you to appreciate what we have and the opportunities we have when we get them, this is a luxury to us, not a must, know and understand the difference."

For those of you who know when I say, "Look at every opportunity and decide whether  to take it or not"...this came from my Mom, I have her to a good way : )

Overall, what I'm trying to say is, if you feel like the world owes you everything in it's Universe and you feel entitled to everyone's time, take a good long hard look at yourself in the mirror and see the TRUTH before someone else makes you see it!

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