A Christmas Food Memory

Coming from a Mexican American family, Christmas was always a special time. As kids, we had to go to sleep early so that Santa Claus could come in the middle of the night to leave our presents under the tree.

Such a joyous time! 

Always meant for us to be on our best behavior, especially when going shopping. Knowing what we already wanted, we were forewarned by Mommy Dearest to not ask for anything, because Santa already knew what we truly wanted, and it was unfair to the other kids around the world. 

Yet, aside from Santa Claus and Christmas shopping, we had a tradition that went on for years & years that of course required my favorite substance in the world...FOOD!

Every year close to 2 dozen Tamales were made by hand. I, of course, would oh so generously volunteer to be the taste tester on a Saturday for about 6-7 hours and help make them (not continuously). By the time the tamales were all done and ready to be served, I was on the couch ready to go to sleep with no desire to eat anymore. 

It was a blissful time I have to say!

Then came the wonderful time I was in charge of stirring the chocolate based drink called Champurrado. A very tedious process that requires an individual to continuously stir the much loved mexican drink for 3 hours...yes 3 hours! Just standing there and stirring! No iPod back then, couldn't find my walkman, and my discman had no batteries... I was going insane! I tried to convince Mommy Dearest that for all that time I spent stirring she would have to pay me....yeeeaaah that didn't work, though it was worth a try! 

All said and done, the Champurrado came out just as she had wished, all thanks to her ingredients and my  constant stirring.

Since I've started my career much of that food tradition has died down, especially since our relationship has suffered in part to our conflicting personalities. Nevertheless, these and many more memories continue to live in my heart and I can remember them fondly as I look back and laugh. 

If you haven't had Tamales or Champurrado, 

I urge you to give them both a try, your taste buds will love them!

Never

Never Say Never.

Never means Never.

Never leads to Never.

Like the rain, it NEVER means to do us any harm...if anything it comes around to cleanse and nourish what is dry.

Above it all as humans we are meant to make memories in LIFE and are meant to pave the way for others to come in and follow our lead. Yet we make it difficult at times to allow others into our world for FEAR that we will ONE DAY be forgotten. It's NEVER meant to be that way, though the heart makes it into another story.

 

You can keep guessing why things happen the way they do and why they are meant to be for a specific action. We want to make sense out of those moments, we want to begin to come around and learn from our past, though if you dive into the past a bit too much, you might get stuck there once again. You NEVER mean to go in too deep.

See the pattern?!

There will ALWAYS be "too much"...
There will ALWAYS be "why now?"...
There will ALWAYS be "can't you see?"...

We will ALWAYS want to seek into the FUTURE without having to prepare for what we're about to hear and try to comprehend the information provided for us. We just want to take a peek...just a peek into what will become of us. Once you get "too much" information then you'll ask yourself "why now?" are you seeking this out and "can't you see" that everything is overwhelming and you can't just be without having to question yourself even more than ever.

We are REAL, we are in a TRUE LIFE setting and let's not forget to LIVE without wanting to know everything in advance for our struggles dictate our paths and our survival mark our paths. 

NEVER Say Never.

--To opportunity

Never means Never.

--You'll always be you, not someone you're not.

Never leads to Never.
--You'll follow YOU, take your OWN lead.

~`Compare and Contrast: What WAS and What Can Be`~

So much can happen in such little time that the actual PRESENT can
become the PAST in a matter of seconds.
I myself have grown tired of letting others dictate what my present and future should become.

It's a shame that at some point, situations along with personalities have to collide at some point and when they do, it's a shock yet one of those, "It was meant to be" kind of moments.

"Give me a reason to let you go, allow me the opportunity to clear and wipe the slate clean, send me a sign knowing that it's ALL said and done."

I used to cringe at the thought of losing, at the thought of having to let go and needing to move on because that's what LIFE wanted me to do.
Not anymore. 

I've embraced loss and have been able to appreciate WHAT I've lost because now I understand the path that LIFE holds when time is up. 

I used to want to catch my breath when facing the inevitable, for it would always be like taking a punch to the stomach. Though once I stopped fighting against the waves that came crashing I realized that the worst had already come, all that needed to be worked on was to see how much light I could bring to the darkness and depth of loss.


Everyone has a moment where you know it's time to move on. You've done all that you've been able to do to level out any bumps in the road and patch up any holes that needed new pavement. Until you've run out of options, and quite frankly, running out of options is actually a PATH that has been well lit for a long time, we've just denied to look into it.

Traveling is the key, experiencing is the key, LIVING is the key. I can't deny a well lit path when it's rays have been so bright that it naturally looks SAFE to walk through. Even though there are no promises to ANYTHING that might happen while on that path, there is a CHOICE, a DECISION, and HOPE to keep me alive and well while I mend my "present past".

Nothing is promised to us and nothing is a lifetime warranty, though keeping ourselves ALIVE and advancing with a ray of hope is what will get us through the point of what WAS, and we'll live to UNDERSTAND what CAN be.

Just by saying 'I Love You'

Nothing is real until you go through what you need to go through.

Everything has it's limit, it's own LIFE span and above it all, it has it's own desired meaning. 

Many things are said and done, and as much as we wish to deliberate and want to add to our actions, the time has simply lapsed and the only way it can get corrected, is by OWNING up to what was said and done. 

-->They're simple yet the most desired words you can ever say to a person,
Actions can motivate you to express it,
A peck on the cheek can say it for you,
Though it can be simple enough
Just by saying 'I Love You'.

The affection of a hug, The affection of strength,
 The affection of the human touch,
Brings light to the flame,
The ONE thing that keeps the heart going,
Just by saying 'I Love You'.

The smirk that brings everything out of the shadow,
The smile that leaves the sadness behind,
The laughter that shelters from the rain,
The harsh conditions of LIFE will go away,
Just by saying 'I Love You'.

A promise can be written within the word,
 A broken piece of your heart can be forgotten,
The luxury of turning away cannot live alone,
As erasing all the good can be done by leaving,
I once wished you could've changed your mind,
Just by saying 'I Love You'.

I explored the world with your silence,
I kept the broken promise in hopes of finding you,
I wrote endless amount of LIFE in my empty space.

It all came full circle to become what I was in search of,
You live LIFE your way as I LIVE mine,
All along to discover that it was I who could feel again,
It came to me once again,
It was I who did it,
It is I who learned to LOVE,
Just by saying 'I Love You'.<--

--> Erik Velasco 2014 

(Inspired by the song "More Than Words" by Extreme)

The Struggle

"Are you going to be something else I have
     to survive? Cause I'll tell you the
     truth, I'm not up to it."

-->Erin Brockovich (2000 Film)

Nothing beautiful comes to us easy...

you have to go through the ugly to know what beauty is.

 

As kids we see what adults have and crave in some way to have just that for when we grow up and much more. Little did we understand what the 'Struggle' was for those adults to have and maintain what our eyes were craving. 

You can't have it all, though if you work hard enough you can accumulate as you go in hopes of reaching your goal. What makes us UNDERSTAND ultimately what we want is the very first time we had to 'Struggle'. 

 

 

 It comes in different forms and at different times in our lives. The exposure of having a good thing can prove to be a bit much to handle and we also may not be strong enough to hold it together. 

The most important aspect I've ever lost in my world was my own perspective and path. 

 

I juggled one too many things all at once in hopes that at least ONE path would excel more than the others, yet I found myself in a fog with more than 3 dirt roads leading to a tangled web. My thought process at the time was that I was aiming to gain more than what I was willing to sacrifice. 

 

 

 I thought maybe that if I had already lost quite a bit (in my mind it was enough sacrifice) then it wouldn't hurt to invest in something that would ultimately be beneficial for me ANY which way it turned out.

Therefore I gained more than what I was able to handle and began to have the "Sink Or Swim" mentality. It took me at least 6 years to finally come to terms with my actions. Instead of seeing the world in "Me against Everyone" form, I had to ACCEPT that not every sacrifice deserved a recompense, if anything it needed closure and UNDERSTANDING in order to move on and be ready for the next upcoming chapter in LIFE. 

The Struggle 

 requires it's rightful place to be tested. It will ALWAYS have it's limits and yet, when you feel like you can't take anymore, continue to fight through knowing you'll come out on top UNDERSTANDING that much more about the beauty of sacrifice.

'Horns Blow' for a Popstar

As the latest season of "The Voice" kicked into high gear early this 2014 year, many were surprised and questioned themselves if what they were seeing on their television sets was ACTUALLY what they're eyes were conveying. 

Sure enough, 

Popstar Paula Deanda was auditioning for the popular NBC show having to sing to the backs of the four celebrity judges as well as the nation in hopes of garnering her a spot on one of singing teams. She had a golden opportunity with Blake Shelton a.k.a. "Team Blake" and made it to the Battle Rounds. As Paula's opportunity made her appeal to her current as well as the younger social media fan base, HER voice on "The Voice" would certainly not be the last of her! 

Behold, in just 1 day, on June 24th, 2014,
 Paula Deanda & Jump Smokers will be releasing their latest EP collaboration:

The first single to launch this collection of original material 

"Horns Blow (Shimmy Shimmy)"

definitely features 'The Voice and the Beats'! 

With the musical horns making melodic waves backing Paula's smooth husky soprano vocal, this only showcases the tip of the iceberg of what the rest of this EP album contains.

 Paula Deanda is known for her high vocal register that has carried her from the very start with "Doing Too Much" all the way to her current ballad material with "Your Place". What Paula showcases in her music is the ability to be this vocal chameleon that most Popstars of today haven't been able to express due to the endless pressure of the Entertainment Machine. 

"Horns Blow (Shimmy Shimmy)" carries the modern sound of 2014 along with a blend of 40's Jazz with the trumpet bridge in the middle of the song. Now believe it or not, singers CAN over sing a track to death especially with tiresome vocal runs that skip one too many beats. Although in this case, Paula shares the limelight with the proper instrumentation to carry this tune from beginning to end.

There's also something that Paula hasn't really showcased in her music catalog in the past, and that is the use of her vocal texture to hug the melody of the staccato notes...in ENGLISH, Paula's voice flows with what's being presented to her musically.
Jump Smokers, 
job WELL DONE and EXECUTED!

"The Voice And The Beats" EP also contains 3 other original songs:
"Strangers", "Arriverderci", and "Tippy-Toes", as well as an EDM Remix of "Strangers".

All 5 tracks have their own LIFE within the music, and all 5 tracks give new meaning to the term 'Fresh'! Music has to be able to breathe and have a heartbeat of it's own, especially when 2 MAJOR talents collaborate! There's no drowning of sorrows for either Paula or Jump Smokers, if anything, this collection of musical freedom is a CELEBRATION of what music is,
it's OWN state of mind!

My personal Fav Song:
"Horns Blow (Shimmy Shimmy)"
"Strangers"
"Arriverderci"
 "Tippy-Toes"

"Strangers" (Jump Smokers EDM Remix)

Yes...ALL of them!

Pre-Order your copy now on iTunes!

Damaged YET going STRONG

8 years ago the 

"Making The Band" series had formed and launched it's 3rd and most successful musical group to date and even made history landing them in the Guinness Book of World Records being the ONLY girl group to debut 2 Number 1 albums back to back on the Billboard Charts. Each member brings a spark to the group and have the ability to hold their head up high as every number is executed to it's every hair flipping stage worthy performance. 

Danity Kane has 2 Platinum selling albums under it's name, having toured with Christina Aguilera, the Pussycat Dolls, and have headlined 2 tours since their inception, the recent of which has proven them worthy of a comeback though there's one minor detail missing...the backing and push of a major record label. Despite this minor setback, Danity Kane has been able to climb up the charts with their recent single aptly titled, "Lemonade" featuring Tyga. 

Since the successful girl group was taken apart back in 2008 by it's creator Sean "Puffy" Combs due to a lack of communication and infighting within the girls themselves, they've all been able to move on with their lives and professional careers as entrepreneurs within the industry. A year ago there was speculation that there was a reunion brewing and fans have been craving to have Danity Kane once again appear on stage and on the charts. As fate would have it, the famed girl group was to come back, only this time, as a quartet. 

Then there were four. 

By the end of 2013, the now regrouped musical quartet prepared their reunion show and early this year 2014 they announced a 13 city "No Filter" Tour around the U.S. that would showcase their past hits and feature 3 new tracks from their upcoming album.

 Then there were three.

As one of their founding members had decided to join them on the tour, she has opted to remove herself from the Danity Kane equation for the upcoming album due to her wanting to start a family. 

Now with Danity Kane consisting of Aubrey O' Day, Shannon Bex and Dawn Richard, in my honest opinion, they have never looked so fresh! With "Lemonade" going strong in it's downloads and climbing up the charts, seeing three strong women take the stage have never looked so good since Destiny's Child became a trio themselves. 

As they put the finishing touches on their upcoming album and are getting plans ready and finalized for their second leg of their "No Filter" Promotional Tour, Danity Kane was once Damaged YET are going STRONG!

Timing couldn't be ANY better for the trio girl group, as well as for another one of my favorite artists...STAY TUNED for the next blog featuring:

Paula Deanda

Shhhhh....!

Secrets upon secrets upon other secrets simply create a MOTHER LOAD of skeletons in our closet and a BIG pile of "No No No's" swept under the rug. Should we make the CONSCIOUS choice to not deal with them they'll just get bigger and bigger only to further distance us from what was to be our true nature.

So why is it that in society in certain aspects and with certain

topics we make "Shhhhhh...!" an ongoing trend??

To hide in the closet only proves our constant need for attention and it makes us not worthy of what lies beneath our exterior.

Growing up because I had no clause when it came to what information came out of my mouth and therefore, I was ALWAYS forewarned to watch what I would say and what I WAS LETTING OUT, for it would affect my near and very distant future. 

Of course you tell this to a kid they're going to be afraid to even say anything! Later on into my teens and young adult years, I was so fearful with letting people in, paranoia set in BIG TIME!
This what I'd like to call a COMPLEX ladies and gentlemen!

How do we get rid of the COMPLEX???

By saying what's on your mind and exercising your right to be who you are....simple enough??

Should be and could be, again, should you CHOOSE to do so.

I don't believe there's anything wrong with sharing with others who you are, let alone the person you've become. The opinions exist whether you say something or you don't, for as we know, this world is full of them, whether you turn to the LEFT or to the RIGHT! Yet they only hurt when they mean something, in most cases,
it's best to let them enforce who you are instead of tearing you down.

It's best to EXIST rather than NOT...
therefore, no more "Shhhhhh!" and LIVE LIFE!

You Love Me

Ever since Kelly Clarkson came on the scene back in 2002, she's had nothing but success and hit after hit! All her albums have spoken volumes especially when it's come to her vocal ability and the melodies of the written word.

Nearly two and half years ago she released an album called "Stronger" where her lead single, "Mr. Know It All" drove the album to become her best vocal representation to date. Have to say, in my opinion, this album is the BEST in her music catalog due to her self-empowerment messages. Messages from experiences that Kelly herself has said to have lived and well, make great music topics and therefore become hit songs on the charts.



 One of the songs in particular on this album called "You Love Me" struck a chord
 (pun intended) with me especially when it came to 2 factors:
1) Kelly's vocal delivery 
2) The song's lyrical truth

"You Love Me" is the TRUTH that most failed relationships go through. The inadequacy that one person feels drives them to turn it around and blame others for their own insecurities and false successes. At one point, there's only so much blame one can take that they start seeing the pattern that keeps happening and ultimately are more hurt 
NOT for the blame, but for the ONE lie they were given, claiming to be loved while they were being broken.

"It was probably the most hurt I’ve ever been in my life. But by writing about it, I got to work through it and get it out of my system."
--> Kelly Clarkson about the "You Love Me" inspiration

Definitely been through this at least twice in my life, and the last time it happened, I almost fell for it, until a simple "I'm sorry" slipped through their tongue and suddenly my eyes were clear of any fog that was sent my way.

Yes, I will say that the first words that ran through my mind were, "You piece of SHIT!" For some reason I wasn't boiling inside, and that made me nervous because I thought that I seriously couldn't feel anything anymore, that I was numb to the situation. Clearly, that wasn't the case, it was simply that I couldn't believe that these two words had escaped the mouth of the perpetrator that was making me feel like I wasn't good enough for their time.

I felt betrayed because they clearly stated that the whole time I meant nothing, and the whole time, they were just killing time with me making feel like I was important to be around and talk to, when the TRUTH was, I was nothing to them. It does get to a person when all you feel is negativity about yourself. Though as they say, the way things start out is usually how things will end up. There was more attitude than respect to start off in the beginning, I should've known.

I can say that after that second experience, I know and recognize to move on when I need to. Just because they say they love you, doesn't necessarily mean they actually do, and we learn as we go, you won't be good enough for them for the simple fact that they're not good enough for themselves.

Should that be the case, move on and wish them well.

Just take a listen, "You Love Me" will inspire you to do the same:

The Comfort of the Night towards a Leap Of Faith

"As the sun descends and the stars begin to bloom in the sunset sky, the reflection of the violet ebony tones take over my outside mood and my mind begins to open to endless emotions of the PAST, PRESENT and what will become of the unknown FUTURE."
-->Erik Velasco

As kids our parents usually make us deal with the "Fear of the Night" concept and have us be completely afraid of the dark. According to them it's usually when all the "monster's" come out and nothing good is roaming the streets. That may be true in its rarest form in this reality, though, that's also when the artists of the world have the floodgates of their minds open and instead of walking through the dark and being careful, they're running towards the unknown to see what they can capture and mold it into a masterpiece of their own vision.
Sometimes the dullest objects become the beacon of hope of sensibility.

With ALL poetic advances aside, the only time I'm able to think for myself and see an alternative reality is at night. The silence really brings out the beauty that the world has to offer. When there's no one in sight and the moon and stars are gleaming, the only afterthought I have is that of 
"What Was", "What Is"and "What Can Become".
Most can and will relate this to fear, though I will say that I lived in fear for so long that if I was to tag this afterthought along the same lines, I wouldn't be a risk taker and therefore a dreamer.

I've written a lot about taking a "Leap Of Faith" that it almost seems like a whole different lifetime when I was afraid to jump towards my options.


The FIRST and by far one of the hardest one of its kind I'd ever had to endure was coming out to the world at 17 years old. It wasn't an option at the time, unfortunately I had to come out for my own sanity yet fortunately unknowingly, it turned out to be the BEST decision I'd ever endure.

During the day, I was afraid of my own shadow, thinking that the world would judge me for admitting what I'd been hiding for so long. I became my own monster when the sun was at its highest peak, and for no reason I was my own worst critic.

During the night, I had a great amount of inner strength with fearlessness to motivate a whole army. I felt ONE with the night sky and I felt comforted by the obscurity of what the darkness hid from my heart.

Ultimately FAITH held my hand and promised me to NOT let me go. After much anticipation, obscurity and self doubt, I went and jumped up at the chance to raise my chin and keep my head high no matter the criticism.

Sometimes standing over the edge of LIFE can make you tremble so deep in your core that you're faced with ONE option, and yet, you wonder what the next few years will be like should you NOT consider taking the chance to become a better YOU.

I'm able to convey now that 13 years later, I'm grateful for my lack of self inflicted judgement of myself and am ETERNALLY grateful for what FAITH has truly taught me,

TRUST in the unknown.

POST-Survivor

We've all been through that "Moment" in LIFE where we've had to learn how to survive on our own. As much advice as we wanted to get from our loved ones, this "Moment" was designed especially FOR us, BY us. Covering our hearts as best as possible to only become our own shield so we could protect what was rightfully ours. 

 

As the years have veered past us, we accepted pain, learn to take jabs as they come and most importantly, continued on our path according to what would be "The Way" for us. Every scar and scab have had the ability to heal in the comfort of it's own scar tissue. 

It only get's better from here right??!

Yes and Maybe.

Yes...because the new set of individuals that come forth will set us up to rise to the next chapter filled with new challenges and experiences ONLY to make us BELIEVE that we're worth the battle.

Maybe...because within the new set of individuals that come forth will be a handful of them that will take advantage of the newly skilled STRENGTH you've come to gain. 

POST-Survivor

 is what they call this new chapter...

Are you willing to risk it all?

 

My chapter came at the age of 25 when I broke free of my own "Moment". I can tell you now that the wolves dressed in sheep's clothing came out from left and right. It was like these individuals could smell the newly recovered fresh meat. 

 

My temperament was tested, my FAITH was being compromised and the ability to defend myself against them was put on a thin line. 

 

Every year from that exact moment, at least 4 of them came along for the battle. It had been exhausting trying to prove that I was the healthy minded person I'd become "POST-Survivor". UNTIL Year 3 came along at the age of 28 and it clicked in my head and I said,

"I really don't care to have you around!"

I started cutting ties so quick and every single one that wanted to continue this battle I just kept letting them waste their words and dirty minds on what would be THEIR greatest fear of all...they're own taste at solitude. Let me say and declare that I did nothing but literally cut ties and ALL communication, and they did the rest. 

I risked it ALL for the sake of my own peace of mind. I knew I had done the right thing especially when at night, I was comfortable with my actions and my ability to finally sleep with my OWN conscious and no one else's.  By this time, let's just say it was too late to beat around the bush, and quite frankly, it's never been my style. 

Since then I've done it time and time again and each time, I've been able to rise above it in every way. My focus becomes a lot more clearer and I know that I'm finally able 

to get away from what people see,

 a fragile simple-minded creature who understands it all.

POST-Survivor brought a CHANGE,

With that CHANGE came a CHOICE,

That CHOICE is up to YOU.

Given the OPPORTUNITY...would you?

Most often times than not,
we have the notion and play with the thought that if we were given the OPPORTUNITY to go back to that ONE moment in time where it ALL changed for us and we were willing to turn things around, would we even do it???

Truthfully,
LIFE would be a whole different story and we would be in a whole different position. It's pretty scary to think that we can still actually CHANGE the course of action should we want to present something or someone new to the table.

Any course of action comes from a reaction. Nothing of what we bring to our lives is as they say, "Just cause". It's hard to have to make up your mind especially when faced with a LEAP of Faith decision. Of course it always happens that when we become of our own worst fear, we shiver at the thought of even making a decision of ANY sort.

For this reason I ask,

Why be afraid of your own shadow 
when you've come this far?

Choices, decisions, and options ALL brought us to this very moment...the moment where we're able to think for ourselves and choose what we'll move forward with and what will stay behind.

People we come across, situations we consider and even phases that pass through our lives, they all contain a fair amount of uncertainty and once the storm passes, we have the moment of reflection and wonder what would've been like had we gone the other way.



When in this state of reflection, it's good to wonder...NOT linger. Lingering on and on will result in fear of our own shadow. At this point in our state of mind, there's only room for FAITH in UNDERSTANDING that we made the correct choices for the right reasons.



Understanding
A psychological process related to an abstract or physical object, such as a person, situation, or message whereby one is able to think about it and use concepts to deal adequately with that object.

Once having understood, ask yourself this question once again though remember to REMAIN in your position, should you agree to choices YOU made:

"Given the OPPORTUNITY to go back to that ONE moment in time where it ALL changed for you and are willing to turn things around, would you do it???"

Felicity (Part 1)

Oh Felicity! 

How I've missed this show ever since it ended in 2002. Thank goodness for the DVD series so I can continue my love fest whenever I need her in my life.

Actually it's been a couple years now that I've made it a point to go through the full series TWICE a year from beginning to end. Of course every time I watch it, it's almost as if I'm watching it for the first time. 

In case you're unfamiliar with Felicity, here's what you have to look forward to:

The story of 1998 high school graduate Felicity Porter begins with the question that most 17 year old teenagers normally ask themselves while receiving their diplomas on stage,

 "What's next??"

In comes Ben Covington, a teenage boy with whom she spent the last 4 years of her high school career wondering what he was like yet the closest she ever came to being in contact with him was when she took his blood as a donation while volunteering at a blood drive.

The mystery of his being always kept her interest until she FINALLY asked Ben to sign her yearbook at graduation. He took his time to write a message that would change Felicity's heart and mind for the rest of her life.


Instead of saying goodbye to Ben Covington that day, she asked him where he was going to go to college and as he answered, 
"New York...what about you?" She replied, "Uh that's pretty unclear!" 

Much to her parents dismay, she followed her heart and decided to abandon her scholarship opportunity at Stanford University to follow Ben to New York and attend the University of New York. We follow Felicity on her journey of self discovery, love and the ability to make mistakes in order to find her voice in the little world we call LIFE.


I have to tell you, because of Felicity, I learned what being an artist is really like especially when you have to face the world with raw emotion. She paves her way through New York with the most sincere passion that only a true artist can have, and as a young adult would have it, she leaps before she thinks twice when it comes to her decisions. Her parents are her constant battle within every year of her growth into womanhood and yes, all they want to seem to do is shelter her from the cruelty of the world yet they always find a way to make it about themselves, where at one point, Felicity is ready to fend for herself.

On her downtime instead of blogging, much like we do in today's world, Felicity mails tape recordings to her good friend Sally Reardon, where they fill each other with their deepest thoughts ranging from personal feelings to quests that allow them to see the results of their actions, whether right or wrong. Brave souls are usually those who are not afraid to make LIFE happen for them, and these two are TWO PEAS in a POD.

Meanwhile her feelings for Ben make her so vulnerable that with every fight, every tear and every  whispered greeting she makes the conscious decision to please him only to make sure that her heart is as soothed as the touch of his lips. Deep down inside, Ben can't be without Felicity and Felicity can't be without Ben, no matter the circumstance! This is heart wrenching EVERY SINGLE TIME! So many people can come in between them and yet they always find each other at their weakest moment only to solidify what deep feelings they have for one another.
They seal it with their whisper greeting:

Ben:
(Soft Whisper)
"Hiiii"

Felicity:
(Soft Whisper)
"Heeeey"

What makes Felicity so great???

It's message of becoming your own individual, of NOT being afraid to break the rules to make your LIFE better, and most of all, the ACCEPTANCE of being human! Felicity thrives in the imperfection of the soul and daggers the question of what makes the heart have its humility. Nothing speaks more highly than the love one has for LIFE, and along with Felicity, you'll find that her friends and even her college experience will make you want to ask yourself,

"Why on earth did you do that??"

Simple...because that's LIFE.

 

Satisfied.. Conviction Of The Written Word

The written word always gets to me especially in the form of poetry ever since I discovered my love for music when I was a child. 

Since I can remember, I've always paid attention to lyrical content when listening to a song. They say words can have a thousand meanings especially when the emotion is sung with conviction. 

When I was in choir we had a few days to learn our songs and especially our vocal arrangement to make it sound as clear and crisp as the wind. Then when I started singing on my own I actually had trouble staying on key and portraying the conviction let alone deliver what goosebumps a simple love song can give you. So I decided to take vocal lessons to allow myself to get re-introduced to my ear and start listening to myself instead of blending with a group of individuals. 

That was when I started to collaborate with a guitarist and started singing melodies to lyrics that I had written myself in the past few years, and suddenly, my ear was able to absorb and portray 

the conviction of the written word! 

Every heartache needed it's own tear jerking note, while every smile needed it's uplifting vocal run, and every band-aid needed it's own healing melodic whisper. 

This is why I'm a big fan of Jewel. 

Ever since I heard "Who will save your soul" back in 1996, I've been addicted to her voice and what it has to say about her heart shattering lyrics. I always looked at her liner notes about what inspired every song on her albums and tried to catch every live performance she gave on T.V. To date, I continue to love her written word and her vocal ability! 

Bringing me to her 2010 country hit, 

"Satisfied".

The beauty of this song is the fact that the message is put in such simple terms, 

"So did you say it
Did you mean it
Did you lay it on the line
Did you make it count
Did you look 'em in the eye
Did they feel it
Did you say it in time
Did you say it out loud
'cause if you did hun
Then you lived some
That feeling inside
That's called satisfied"

The human heart can live in regret due to not having the ability to be able to speak up.

 LOVE is one of the only words that can be portrayed as a universal action and yet it's one of the  most complex and endearing words in the English language. If it's LOVE you desire, it's as easy as ordering a meal at a restaurant, you have to speak of what it is you're looking for. It's a conviction that has an endless meaning and has the ability to do whatever it is you want it to do. 

Afraid of it???

Don't be...just go one step at a time...as soon as you're able to speak the TRUTH from your heart, you'll see that the reality of it all lies in the amount of strength your words contain. 

If you can write LOVE, then you can also speak LOVE, it's that satisfying.

The Dream Process

Way back when I remember when it came down to going to sleep at night, I used to snuggle in my bed somewhere between 10-11pm...I was knocked out usually within 5 minutes! 

Well, these current days have changed quite a bit!
My mind stays wired for a couple hours after I finish my work shifts and let me tell you, my head is spinning with questions upon questions about LIFE in general. Everything from how my body's sore up to the last song I was hearing in the car. Yet one thought aspect remains constant when the clock strikes 2 a.m...

Will I dream? 

If so, where will I be?

Dreams can be so vivid that they feel as if you're really living the situation you're in. It's a feverish feeling when you wake up either in a state of confusion, a smile, or in tears. Does this mean that dreams are REAL forms of our lives in an unexpected form?? I tend to believe so.

On a personal aspect, lately my dreams have not ONLY been feeling real,

 they're reflecting my inner thoughts and actions. 

There have been new souls that are showing up whom apparently my outside self recognizes yet on the inside, I'm completely lost. Souls that are no longer here on Earth have also been appearing and wholeheartedly want to know how I've been doing, and yet all I seem to feel from them is inner peace. Another particular being is coming in and out of my subconscious frame of mind and is wanting to speak to me and understand my current state of reflection and my heart, for a specific reason, isn't responding to their care and generosity. Maybe because in real life I'm getting the opposite effect from them.

2 specific dreams have stuck with me lately, the first included one of the most AMAZING and BEAUTIFUL landscape I've ever seen! Green hills with bright blue skies and pearl white puffy clouds with the most amazing scent of PEACE....it was breathtaking! I've been wanting to draw it so that I don't forget the details, though, being as it is, I don't think I ever will. I was able to live this for what seemed to be a whole minute in my dream, in real LIFE it was actually 7 almost 8 hours of sleep.

The second dream revealed the heart of a person I never thought would come to terms with their feelings, let alone the revelation I was told, ALONG with the reason behind it. Again, in this dream, I felt peace, I felt whole and wasn't feeling ANY insecurity whatsoever. What had seemed to be 5 minutes, was actually 6 hours of sleep and woke up with tears streaming down my face. 

What does all this mean???

My interpretation....

All along in my experience here, I've always wanted to live a LIFE of happiness with not a worry to plague me from anything or anyone, a feeling of relief. Slowly since late last year, my dreams have been letting me know what TRUE direction my heart has been heading towards, especially after internally fighting myself for so long. I can't tell you how BEAUTIFUL and breathtaking these dreams have made me felt! Yes, I'm human like everyone else and have my off days, though with dreams like these flowing through me, how am I to avoid them especially when they're appearing for the right reasons.

 I can't ignore the inevitable,

I can only follow and listen to what my DREAMS are leading me to.

Lately

Some of you out there have seen my fascination with the show 'Nashville' on abc! Everything from the music to the characters and let's face it, the DRAMA! 

One of my favorite characters that I love on this show is played by Clare Bowen, a.k.a. Scarlett O'Connor, the whimsical poet/singer/songwriter that is easy to share her heart through her music yet puts up walls when it comes to her personal life. 

If Scarlett was an actual person in real life I would very much love to have a writing session with her especially with that clear melodic voice she vocalizes so effortlessly.

In the show Scarlett cares for her heart in the way that she writes exactly what she's feeling and going through with those she's emotionally invested in. Season 1 had a great introduction to her humble beginnings as a songwriter, and as we got toward the end she took a chance at singing some of her own material landing her a record deal of her own. Now as we near the end in Season 2, she's the opening act to some of Country Music's fictional royalty and is trying to cope with the pressures of being a recording and traveling musician. 

Earlier in Season 2 she was given the opportunity to sing one of her songs that she co-wrote with one of her ex-boyfriends, Gunnar Scott, for the none other Kelly Clarkson. In the show Kelly's looking for new material for her next album and heard one of the demos Gunnar and Scarlett had written called 'Lately'. 

Of course this is an amazing once in a lifetime opportunity for the duo songwriter's, though it's kind of awkward being that they've broken up professionally and romantically by this point and are once again showcasing a song they wrote when they were at their most vulnerable heartfelt state in their relationship. 

Everyone and anyone can relate to this song that simply states a true fact of the heart:

"I've been missing you
I've been missing you, lately"

A romance that wholeheartedly continues to live on, 

inside us all!

Do You Think You'll Make It?

Doubt can get the very best of us in an instant...especially when exploring new "Territory" and taking a chance at LIFE.

When faced with the world, we have ONE of TWO situations:

 --> US against everyone else

or

--> An Individual making it work

Whichever one you decide to pick, they both have ONE thing in common...that is the URGE to make things happen for a greater result. Even then, we have a 50/50 OPPORTUNITY to make it work both physically and emotionally. 

Therefore now we ask this of ourselves,

"Do You Think You'll Make It?"

Ever since I was born in 1983, my family and I have experience the 'Highest of Highs' and the 'Lowest of Lows'. What was once a UNIT for one reason or another we slowly started breaking off and straying away from each other. Of course every family has their nature and especially when it comes to agreeing with one another. Everything from divorce to infighting to jealousy has plagued our UNIT and to this day, slowly but surely, we're starting to mend the damaged relationships one by one.

For as much as we've lost and have doubted ourselves individually and collectively, ONE thing's for sure...we've managed to stay true to our nature and ourselves, WILLING to make it. We've learned to gather our thoughts as individuals, work on what is needed for us to move forward in the proper direction and MOST importantly, put pride aside. Communication seems to be the lacking factor in our case, yet, it's a constant reminder of what COULD our greatest ability should we improve on the ACTION part of the word.

However you look at it, we are to own up to our actions and our feelings 110%. Nothing in this world is one sided, for there's 2 sides to every story told.
As long as we're willing to ACCEPT and OWN up to what we need to work on,
we're Individuals making it work.

WE can make it.