Sunday, January 29, 2012

Love's Divine

This is one of those special that I can ALWAYS identify myself with...and ONE where EVERYONE can identify themselves with as well. 

Seal is a special singer, he give's such life to every song he sings! His raspy voice has depth and so much character. Can you tell I'm a big fan : )

      "Love's Divine" 
deals with the search of oneself, the search for that fulfillment and recognition of the time spent blind and empty. In the song he mentions a rainstorm, a cleansing that brought about the awakening of the soul...the actions that needed to come about from a senseless past...a past of denial.  
Love is what will give the answer, the path that will show the best of everything in LIFE.

Were ALL in need of "Love's Divine", the clarity that we feel most of the time when we feel warm and fuzzy inside. This is why I LOVE rain so much, we need a good cleansing here and there! There's clarity when it rains, a smell of desire. Of course, when we drive in it it can get messy, but overall, I'm in love with the cleansing action of it all, the fact that water comes from the heavens and brings about NEW LIFE when were most in need.

GOD is Good...
HE brings about the daily motions and allows us to live freely in any way shape or form we desire, yet, HE also sets a time to make sure EVERYTHING comes full circle, we like to call this "Coincidence", as I've mentioned in past blogs. There's nothing you can hide from this higher being, if anything, whether there's doubt or LOVE in your heart, HE does nothing to make you feel uncomfortable. HE allows there to be room for happiness, sadness, frustration, laughter, anger, etc., and once we've had enough and hit a wall, HE's always there to make sure we don't bruise, and if we do bruise, HE's there to heal...and if we break, HE's there to help us piece ourselves back together, consider HIM the glue to help us look our very best and be held together once again. Were also allowed to get angry, for not understanding what it is and who it is we are at various times in our lives, this is where we want to grab onto HIM the most, and HE's there : )

I'm sure Seal himself needs this at this time as much as I do, and some of you out there as well:

you are Love's Divine, the divinity that heals a bruised and broken heart, you are what we want to feel in times when were most vulnerable. You send out your Angels to guide us always and in our time of need and have them report back to you to let you know our status, and as you know, were in need of your cleansing, your soft touch that cures frowns, bad moods, and emptiness. I pray that you keep us within your reach and allow us to learn from our very own mistakes, trials and tribulations. Even when at times we want nothing to do with you, you STILL allow us to come within your circle to join you once again in your NEVERENDING heart, and for that, I myself will be eternally grateful! I pray for clarity, understanding, patience, and knowledge of what was here, and what is to come in the next coming days and months. 
PLEASE help us heal in our time of need and PLEASE allow us to find that Love's Divine, which is YOU

I pray this on behalf of everyone in search of Love's Divine
whoever you are out there, were in this this together <3

Thursday, January 26, 2012

The Cry of Rejection

To refuse to accept, consider, submit to, take for some purpose

 The places where Busy Little Queen has been rejected from:

*American Idol (Season 2)
*Eastcoast Record Label Development Deal
*Jonathan Salon- West Hollywood
*Ronald McDonald Charity House 
*1 Sibling

Each of these played an important significance in my life, and ALL had one thing in common with each other, I wanted to take the next step and better myself, the only thing that I didn't know at the time that I know now is that I wasn't ready to fully immerse myself and take on what would've been the BIGGEST whirlwind of my life!

It hit me last week when I started to watch the season premiere of American Idol Season 11...they had such great talent to begin with this year..then, came the not so good singers that were convinced that they sing so beautifully. To be subjected to a show of that magnitude really has people believe the hype that many build around them, the TRUTH becomes very hidden. Then when the judges tell them that they're not to go on to the next round, they cry inconsolably, yell at the camera crew, curse at them and flip them off. It's sad to see yet very comical because if you really act like that on T.V., then what REALLY lies behind those cameras??? WOW!

Out of my 5 rejections listed above, I only cried in one of them, that was my 1 sibling. My older brother has always taunted me since we were kids, I was different from him, and that was something he couldn't agree with. When we got older, it only got worse unfortunately and it always made me think, "If I was just like him, would he have ever treated me any differently???" I tend to believe that he was never happy with himself so he kept rejecting everyone around him, and I was his first target. Until the day came when I cried out of anger and yelled this at him,

"The only reason you have to LOVE me is because we came from the same Mom and Dad, and that isn't even good enough for you, so STOP pretending, you hate me and I will never make you happy!"

He brushed it off in front of me but later on I heard him tell my Mom (aka Mommy Dearest) how what I said hurt him, and that it wasn't true. He had a hard time understanding me and I had a hard time understanding him. We recently hadn't spoken in 7 years, and has since tried reconnecting with me, which by phone was good enough for me...for now. 
For years I felt JUST like the contestants on the show after they get told that they're not being chosen to move on...betrayed, mislead, and the biggest let down and knot in my throat. It was something I couldn't shake off, it was a very confusing time, yet again, I wasn't meant to live the Understanding that one leads in LIFE at times. 

Now that I have my LIFE together a bit more, I'm beginning to see WHY I had been rejected from these opportunities. All of you know that I always talk about opportunities, and how to take them on and run with them. Well these were opportunities that were not meant for me to explore, and believe me I tried to get in there somehow. With each one that never panned out, of course I was let down because I had put so much work into it, so much of my heart and soul, and nothing came of it in a figurative sense....what did come out of the rejection was the STRENGTH, PERSEVERANCE, and DETERMINATION I now have to make sure I accomplish and take on the future opportunities coming my way.

To ALL of you American Idol Rejects, don't worry, all happens for a reason, there will always be tomorrow and you can try harder then, LIFE is full of opportunities and rejections, you must go through some of the bad to get to the's that good 'ol saying:

What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger!
P.S. I made it to 2 out of 3 auditions for American Idol Season 2, was one of the 500 chosen out of 11,000 in Los Angeles alone, and was not chosen to go on to see the judges...although afterwards I released 2 solo albums and 2 group albums independently, performed in Coffee Shops regularly and was part of a church band for 5 years...
Anything is possible : )

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Fit to Be Complete

What's missing?

Job? CHECK    Health? CHECK   Transportation? CHECK   Social Life? CHECK   Diet? CHECK


This seems to be the jump start to a 2012 New Year list for many out there. Yes, I'm VERY observant and VERY intuitive with what's going on around me.

I see a lot of relationships coming to a halt, a lot of people wanting to lose weight, some even wanting to pick and choose what type of job they would like to have....BUT what I don't see a lot of is the fulfillment that one needs to put ALL of the WANTS and NEEDS in motion.

Somehow HAPPINESS is not something that is of importance, because the fulfillment that is desired is the fulfillment of the MOMENT, and not one that should take its time and last its complete duration.

Also, there's seems to ALWAYS be something wrong with a certain aspect of life everyday...for some reason what we already have going for us isn't when are we, as I dare say it:

Fit to Be Complete?

What will it take for YOU to know that you're FIT to be complete? We believe that everyone who see's us critiques every little thing about us, and that may be very true, but WHO CARES??? 

My Dad, a 73 year old man, asked me the other day in an argument he and I were discussing, 

"How will I look in front of other people once I tell them that I can't handle certain things anymore?"

It baffled me that he still cared about what other people thought of him and his capability, people who know nothing about him and don't know him personally...and that's when I chimed in and said,

"What does it matter? Let them think what they want, Are you really that concerned?"

It was an eye opener for me! It also reminded me of my own career.
I'm in an industry where critiques take place daily...and to tell you the truth, I used to dress to impress my co-workers, my salon owners, my clients, and made sure I stood out to many way back in the day. Although now I dress to my own mood, I dress according to how my day looks like and if I will be comfortable in it. I keep to myself and my own world and try to live up to my satisfaction. What I do with my career and choices in my daily life very few know about EVERYTHING, and I welcome opinions and their thoughts, though at the end of the day, I make the choices
fit for my completion

Of course, I have my insecure days where I don't feel fit to my character or positive attitude, yet that's where I search within and make sure I make myself think twice about who I am and what it is that makes me...ME!

If you have a support system, a job that pays the bills and your life daily, you're in good and/or moderate health, go out and have a good time, then you're FIT to Be Complete.
Even if you're lacking something here and something there, it's still a great feeling just to be alive and to conquer another day. 

We ALL lack something, we can ALL improve in some way, and we'll ALL get critiqued in someway, yet were FIT to be a part of this world one way or another, whether you're 3..23..43..or 73 years of age...were

FIT to Be Complete!

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

The So-Called Independence

Lately.....and I do mean Lately....did I mention Lately.....well, lately....

There's been SO many people whom I normally consider the "Curious" bunch that have now become the "Debbie Downers" and have at this point in time, self destructed and taken their humor, along with other people down in the dumps with them, and have now called it "Independence"....well, until I put y'all on blast and let you know that this is your:

So-Called Independence

I will say that there are many that fall in this hole and instead of getting over what once was, moving on in the right direction, and again..LETTING GO...they start to become sour, always complaining, and decide to toy with others because they were once toyed with. They make others cry, make them feel worthless, and choose to always want to be right and convince others that their the ones in the "positive" light.

I've learned ALL too well from a certain Mommy Dearest I grew up with. Now she's making the effort and wants to be comprehensive. It did take her a while to fully understand what was that made her want to believe in her "So-Called Independence".

The KEY word here is 

If you're one to question your Independence, see if you can answer these questions TRUTHFULLY:

  • Are you still hurt from what happened to you in your life?
  • Are you bitter when you see others smile or laugh?
  • Do you wish you can find a place to hide yourself from the world?
  • Do you have pent up confusion about your daily life?
  • Are you ANGRY?
If you've answered YES to 2 out of the 5 questions, then you're trapped in your OWN confusion with no way out but aggression. You became a VICTIM of your own pain and therefore expect others to feel what you feel, have others comprehend what you went through, and let the whole world know that YOU COUNT, how dare somebody not take you into consideration!

I'll say this much, to ALL of you who feel this way:

What you went through is an opportunity to change not the past, not the present, but your future. I, nor anyone can really understand what was it that was taken from you, whether it be your pride, your self respect, and/or your time that is of value in this world. We can only offer you solace and comfort to your heart and let you know that if you deal with your pain, you deal with what was GIVEN to you rather than what was TAKEN from you, you'll sooner rather than later LEARN how to FORGIVE those who caused you pain, and in return, the HEALING process will start and you'll view the world in a whole different way. The LAST thing you want to see is that the rest of the world grew WITHOUT you. Grow WITH the world rather than AGAINST IT, it get's easier day by day.

and don't give in to your 
So-Called Independence.

Friday, January 13, 2012


Last week, I had read on News that Joel Osteen, a Senior Pastor and Televangelist, was interviewed by Oprah recently and was asked a series of questions pertaining to Christianity and HIS opinions.

One was if he believed that Homosexual people could go to heaven, and this was his response:

“I believe a gay person will be accepted into heaven, I believe you have to have forgiveness for your sins and sometimes we (the Christian community) look at gay as being a bigger sin than being proud or not telling the truth. I don't think God categorizes sins. Instead, I believe that people are constantly changing and growing, and that no one would have a chance in heaven if sins could not be forgiven. I believe that homosexuality is shown as a sin in the Scripture, it’s a hard thing in a sense, because I’m for everybody. I’m not against anybody. I don’t think that anybody is second-class. But when I read the Scripture in good faith I can’t see that it doesn’t show that as being a sin.”

A lot of people were so disturbed by his response and gave such an ANGRY and negative shout towards who he is as a Pastor and how he spreads his teachings across America. Truthfully, when I read and saw his full interview, I didn't get angry or thought ill of him (although I must say he's not my favorite person to listen to at all), I have FULL and UTMOST respect for Joel Osteen, he's entitled to his opinion just like anyone is, it's his right to freedom of speech, yet I will say this:

No ONE can ever tell me anything about whether or NOT they believe that I will be accepted into HEAVEN, and let me tell you why.....

-->"We are ALL created EQUAL"

This is what it says in the United States Declaration of Independence, yet it is not expressed fully for what it really means. Since the beginning of time, there's always been some type of Hierarchy and segregation that has separated Type A's from Type B's and C's, etc. Although, in your physical body, I have the same color blood and bones that every human has ever existed with on this Earth. We are ALL the same...point blank!

-->"Have you NO sins of your own?"
If we are to talk about the Bible, it is stated, more than once, and as it says in this scripture of the Gospel according to John 8:7:

They kept demanding an answer, so he stood up again and said, "All right, but let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone!"

Jesus himself brought this into light, and yet, somehow, it has been forgotten over the course of time because at some point, EVERYONE is without sin, and that my friends has no truth whatsoever. Humility is the key word here.

-->"Time and time again, we will be in constant battle with ourselves"
How many times have I not heard and seen people fall and make mistakes everyday, every month, every year?? This is nothing new, we ALL fall and we at least must make an effort to pick ourselves up and learn from our mistakes and would be a lot easier to accept ourselves and our flaws, rather than let others do the "accepting" for us.

I've known I was gay since I was 4 years of age, obviously I was born this way and there's not much I can do about it, if anything, I spent the first 17 years of my life trying to hide it from everyone. My older brother would tease me till no end about who I would become in the future, a very flamboyant hairstylist (well, he was right about the hairstylist part, I will give him that). My parents still have a hard time seeing the truth, yet, they're at least dealing with it. My siblings ALL have opinions about it as well, and when Prop 8 came up, 50/50 of them voted for it, again, that is their opinion, not mine, I myself, opted to be neutral in the matter.

I taught teens for 7.5 years about how to LOVE GOD with all their might and to go in the right paths in LIFE, nowhere was there EVER a negative comment that came out of my mouth that contributed to hating or looking down upon anyone. If anything, because I am different, I taught them Patience, Kindness, Truth, and Compassion. All the things that GOD has taught me, I went ahead and payed it forward through teachings AND actions.

I've had 2.5 boyfriends in my lifetime and all 2.5 of them have known that GOD is first and foremost in my LIFE, NEVER a human being with an opinion. I'm also still a proud 28 year old Catholic that goes to Church whenever I have the opportunity to do so, it feels great to be in the presence of GOD, it's HOME!

I am truthfully happy and fulfilled that I have been able to lead a LIFE thus far that has had SO MUCH of the meaning and word UNDERSTANDING in it. I was brought here to LOVE and SERVE others in many ways, and in one of those any ways is to speak of the TRUTH, and I speak of it in ALL aspects of LIFE, you want to know something, I'll tell you what and how it is, I've learned along the way that it's better to speak your mind whenever it is NECESSARY.

I've been told by Pastors, Ministers, and Priests that GOD is watching what I'm doing every step of the way, and have even told me that I should repent for my intimate thoughts and for who I am, yet unfortunately, they know NOTHING about or of me, only GOD knows me, and yes, HE will be EVERYONE'S final judge, until then, ALLOW US to humble ourselves and simply LOVE eachother for who and what we are....


Friday, January 6, 2012

Opinion=Listening at Times

An OPINION is simply that at times....just an OPINION. Some LOVE to express it, while others don't ever say anything, they keep it to themselves. Either way, it's that of a Personal it right to say something at times when not being asked to give one? Or can we say it to get our point across no matter what the consequence?

Working in customer service, I at times voice my opinions out loud without having to really think what my clients are going to think about me after I say what I want to say, although, I have wanted to stick my boot in my mouth at various times, then it's more of a, "Well, now I'll just shut up!" Then there have been times where I've been proud to give my opinions, proud to stand up for what I truthfully believe in. It's not always a win win situation, yet that's the part of humanity that allows us to be different and accept each other for who we are (even though it's not really practiced here in the U.S.).

A BIG issue I see a lot of times is that of the opinions of our very own Parental Units. It almost seems like they're never pleased with what us kids have going on, no matter how old we are, we still don't know half the stuff they know and don't do anything right. I've discovered that with them in their generation, they were taught to ONLY do what their parents told them was right and wrong, it was a black or white situation, no gray area EVER existed. In today's world, we have a gray area, we've accepted our parents challenges and have discovered new ways of composing what seems to be good for US, yet, to them, it's THIS way or THAT way.

 New Discoveries=New Adventures

New Adventures=Questionable Lifestyle

Questionable Lifestyle=OPINION


I remember being 19 and having my eyebrow pierced for the first time and changing the color of my hair often (about every 2-3 weeks or so). My Mom (aka Mommy Dearest) got so fed up with me trying new things with my look that she BURST out by saying,

"What is wrong with you? First, you're blond, now you're dark violet, whats next??? GREEN??! Just stick to YOU and call it a day!!"

I of course went the route of questioning her view about me and twisted it around by saying, 

"You're just so confused about yourself that you have to take it out on me! It's not my fault you can't pull off what I can!"

She looked me straight in the eye and said,

"You look ridiculous! I look like a decent woman, not like a walking RAINBOW that glows!"

See in today's world, she would've said that to me, and I would've laughed it off, but back then, I got so offended that I stormed out of her house and refused to come back until she apologized. I know, very drama Queen of me. I now know what battles to pick to took a while I must say!

10 years later she see's me and still has to offer her opinion about my non-existent personal life, my weight, and my career choices, except now, she simply asks,

"May I offer a piece of advice?"

I say YES most of the time, here and there I'll say NO, and when I do say NO I'll ask her,

"Can I just have you listen to me and take in my world for a bit?"

Then she knows that her OPINION does matter, yet it's not the time to voice it. In case any of you haven't noticed by now, Mommy Dearest and I are 2 strong individuals with heavy OPINIONS, yet we've learned that as Mother and Son, we must come to an agreement to really give each other the RESPECT we deserve and expect. It's been crazy and difficult in the past, though it has lead to better times and better opportunities for us both with other people within our circle and careers. 

An OPINION is simply that at times....just an OPINION,
it's better to LISTEN rather than to VOICE.

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Sweet Surrender

YES!!! Welcome EVERYONE to 2012!!!

To start us off, let's tune in to one of my TOP 5 favorite artists:

Sarah Mclachlan 
Sweet Surrender is one of her biggest hits that came out in 1997, and as I learned this past 2011 year when I went to go see her at the Hollywood Bowl, this song was originally a ballad, and she played it in it's original form that night of the concert...ALL I can say was MAGICAL!!!!

This song can be taken in many forms and can be described in so many ways in various situations. We'll talk about ONE of those forms that ALL of us can relate to.

Close your eyes, and blank your mind of everything.....breathe deeply in 3 times....
Now you see your one moment in LIFE in a glimpse....
how the 1st time you felt butterflies in your stomach, how those happy times made you feel, when you felt shaky around that one person you actually said the word, "LOVE" to, and now... you pop into the moment when, for the millionth time, you felt so much on you, a pressure that couldn't be lifted... and you saw that person, the person you said "LOVE" to, in a far glimpse, and you let the tears out and slowly they appear to walk towards you, extending their arms and offering you their comfort, and you, fall into their arms in a "Sweet Surrender", the comfort you've always wanted to feel from a special person close to your heart. 

Now you exhale 3 times.......

Most would say that this encounter would be more of a "Baby-ish" one that would only enable us to want to feel what it is that we need to feel, that of a selfish act. Yet, I personally would argue that point of view for the simple fact that, this encounter, is that of the human emotion, the human side we ALL need to at times act upon to release what it is that we are withholding so much inside our hearts. 

Usually surrendering requires a negative action and answers to a negative aspect. Though in a "Sweet Surrender", even though it contains a negative aspect, it is turned over into a positive result, in which involves that of a release. We tend to fight our inner selves so much that it doesn't surprise me that we become our own enemies and have a war going on in our minds. Until that ONE being comes into the picture that offers that Ray of Light, the Hope it takes to really make us surrender to logic and reason. They've become our "Sweet Surrender".

Do I have that "Sweet Surrender"??? Oh definitely!! I have 2 that I always go to, it feels amazing when I give into their energy, it makes everything worth the struggle. Conflict can always arise, yet, it won't take over my being. Like Sarah says in this song:

"Take me in, no question's asked,
You strip away the ugliness that surrounds me
(Who are you)
Are you an Angel?"

It's a mystifying encounter
one though, that cures the soul.