The Privacy of Prayer

As a child, I was told that it's better to keep your prayers to yourself, for GOD hears you louder when it's inside your heart and not in everyone else's ears. From time to time, being the child that would challenge everything I was told "NOT" to do, I would share what I was praying for and of course, it seemed as if my prayers weren't being answered in the way I wanted GOD to answer them. 

Fast Forward to Teen Years.

As a teenager I strayed further away from my faith as I've mentioned before, though my prayers kept getting more and more silent with no one EVER knowing that I was even religious. It was weird how I kept saying my prayers at night in a soft whisper, then during the day I would deny the fact that I even believed in GOD. Talk about internal issues.

Now to the Adult Years.

I can't express how important it was for me to continue not only my prayers to GOD, though to also continue my exploration of the ONE being that has seen it all. The more I've prayed from my 'Young Adult Years' to now being in my late 20's, the more I've been able to grow in every aspect internally and continue to do so. 

On Facebook, everyday practically (with the couple times I'm unable to login due to my packed days), I leave a "message" for anyone who's interested in receiving a little bit of a push and/or love for the day. Many have responded to these "messages" as a light of HOPE and CLARITY and "something they needed to hear". I leave these messages on my wall because I know there's someone out there who needs that PUSH as much as I do. They're my outspoken prayers.

There are times when as humans we stay silent and can't share what's going on inside us because we're afraid of being judged and/or afraid of our own sorrow, which many times can be compared to weakness. I'm ONE to say that the only weakness we have as humans is the INABILITY to share what's in our hearts. We create our own sorrow by allowing and convincing ourselves that our thoughts and emotions are no good. NOT TRUE.

A Tear is dead weight that needs to be shed, whether the memory is anywhere from 2 months to 100 years old. Guilt and Anger is our old skin that's being hardened and is ready to be shed in order for our new skin to come in and get ready for our next phase. Any Sadness left over is the last of our sorrow, and most of the time, we can't shake it out ourselves...this is where Prayer comes in.

If the question is:

"I don't know how to Pray?"

Well...how about instead of thinking of your sadness, share your sadness out loud. Express how you can't shake it and how long it's taken you to get over the last of your sorrow. Cry if you need to, shake if your body can't take what's inside, if anything, taste the tears. Then ASK for help and ACCEPT you can't do this alone. None of us can. 

I used to tell my teens that I used to teach a couple years back this exact saying:

 "If you're waiting for GOD to open the door to you standing in front of it, you'll be there forever. You have to knock in order for HIM to hear you, and once he hears you, he'll be more than happy to open the door and let you in."

A Prayer is talking to HIM, a conversation between YOU and HIM.

Allow HIM hear you, he'll keep your privacy.

Silent Prayers are good...Talking to GOD is even BETTER.

That is the Privacy of Prayer...

YOU and HIM.

Embrace and Live the Memory

Leave it up to the essence of LIFE to make you feel what you need to in that exact moment where you finally go:

"I get it."

The TRUTH shall set you FREE...and in so many ways...it sure does...

and in very MANY ways, it breaks and rebuilds you.

 Nothing makes me more mad than to think that at one point, 

I felt genuinely indestructible and felt like all I needed was the warmth that my heart had discovered. NOTHING never felt so real. 

Year after year, the embrace and life of this memory at times grows stronger, while in other times it's grown to fade as I've wanted to forget I ever lived it because I felt responsible for building up something so tall yet so fragile in its ability to survive the strongest winds.

Responsibility for giving myself the possibility, 

responsibility for giving myself the honest TRUTH.

Nothing in this LIFE ever feels real until you learn to take a stand and fight for what it is you truly love. More than tears, more than strength, more than possibility, ALL means nothing if you don't understand what it is you're meant to be put up against. 

I can't sit here and write to you and say that there's one regret I have, because I honestly don't regret anything I've ever said or done. I've held back in moments where I should've spoken up and made others believe in my point of view, though I knew in some way or another, that I would be the only one in my corner understanding evrything I was feeling from the inside out. 

Yet, that's OK. 

Trying to convince someone of your heartfelt connection is something that at most times, is a one way street. Most people take the time hear you out to a certain degree, then tune out because they don't know what it feels like to die to oneself, though whether your 10, 20, 30, 40, 50, 60 or even 70 years old, there does come a moment when you do die to yourself and begin from scratch. 

It's one of the most TRAGIC yet most BEAUTIFUL experiences to go through.

Nothing prepares you for it, the only thing you have to go by is the memory that at one point made you indestructible. 

Take it from me, don't try to erase it...

 Embrace and Live the Memory.

Keep my Shit Together

As I'm drawing near the end of my 20's and go into my 30's, I'm wondering if it'll feel any different?? Will I literally be closing another decade of LIFE and be looking towards a new one?

Yes yes, I know most of you are saying,

"What are you talking about?? You're still young!!! 30 is nothing!"

Now I'm not saying I'm old, I'm just reminiscing about what I've been through in my decade of 

LIFE from 2003-2013.

I've always wandered what it would've been like had I just gone for a regular 9-5 Monday through Friday day to day job?! In 2003 I was building my clientele from ZERO and making sure I pleased every single client in my chair (nothing's changed, I'm doing the same now). Though back then believe it or not, Happy Hour existed in my world! I was in my last stages of watching MTV and I was trying to find myself through the power of Prayer. 

My concern in my thought process back then was, 

"What hair color should I be this month?"

My how things have changed! I hardly have any hair on top of my head these days, 

let alone have time to color it!

Now in 2013, I've accomplished more than what I've ever had imagined accomplishing thanks be to GOD! I pull double shifts most of the time and make sure every hair is in place for my clientele's as well as following specific direction to desired hair colors and haircuts. It might seem like I just work all the time and have no fun for myself, and I really have to say that what you see, is not really what's going on completely. 

I do have fun, it's just I don't need a trip to The Netherlands to showcase my ability to relax. What really allows me to relax altogether is a movie, a blanket, a pillow and an Iced or Hot Chair Tea Latte. That to me is fun and relaxing...going out from time to time sounds like fun, though it was MUCH MORE appetizing back in 2003 than now in 2013.

My concern in my thought process NOW in 2013 is,

"I need to keep my shit together!"

To make a DREAM happen you have to keep things in line, and 3 of the most important that I've learned along the way are the follwing:

*Heart

*Mind

*Soul

Priorities are a must, and every week I have to look out for what will not only benefit me, rather what will benefit my outcome to my future as a whole. With LIFE happening everyday and making sure I'm ON at all times, the little special time that I have for ME is very precious in it's own unique way. I make the effort to keep EVERYTHING that represents me in order, at times that means SACRIFICING quite a bit. 

In 2003 I had NO clue what it meant to sacrifice blood, sweat and tears for what it is that you truly want out of LIFE. Having said that, in the current state of 2013, I've THANKFULLY achieved 85% of my dreams...I have 15% to go and now going into my 30's, I have 10 more years to achieve it.

LIFE is what you make of it,

If you believe in it,

You can make it AND SURVIVE with help along the way.