Thursday, June 30, 2011

A Letter To You

Dear You,

Hope all is great and a successful day has been accomplished on your side of the world! Mine, thankfully I have no complaints and it went as GOD has planned : )

On this side, the stars are in full effect...there's no smog to cover them up, and it's funny when I actually get the chance to look up and see what GOD has created, the glittery night sky! Usually there's a moon shining as well, although tonight it seems to be hiding from can probably see it though. When I was younger I always use to think,

"I wonder if other people far away from me are seeing the same things I am?" 

Now, I'm sure you are.

Time seems to only be on our side bit by bit, Time tends to keep us at a pace that is suitable for us to understand only, for those in our past have never really seemed to get it, let alone seem to get US as a whole. I sometimes think that Time is never really on our side, yet I know that it was Time that had everything aligned accordingly, I tend to have the "Doubting Thomas Syndrome", luckily, it's fading slowly but surely.

Safely I can say that change came when it needed to, I'm not as afraid of it as I once used to be when I didn't know how to embrace it. I look at change as a blessing, one I can enjoy without feeding it fear. I know of fear, but don't feed into it anymore, I haven't for a while. I know there's a lot to embrace, a lot to understand, yet, if you take your time, "grasping" an idea is half the battle.

One of my mentors once told me,

"The Holy Spirit comes with many gifts, the one you will have to learn from the most is..UNDERSTANDING...learn to love it, learn to be it!"

Let me tell you, this was my BIGGEST fear! Now, it's my BIGGEST confidant : ) 

If anything, I understand YOU.

All I know is...Time is'll have it's own pace and it's own least we can count on that.

Much Love & Respect,

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

When You know who YOU are

Self discovery can take anywhere from a couple months to who knows when! There have been cases out in the world where it's taken people the vast majority of their life to finally find themselves and say, "Why didn't I know before? Why did I wait so long?" But then again, there's been some cases where people find themselves in 6 months give or take. 

Now remember, there's a difference between FINDING yourself and ACCEPTING yourself....

FINDING Yourself
This is when you've understood the importance of what you do and don't like around you, when you have looked at the INNER you and see that there's a person inside that you like and you want to allow that person to grow and experience the is. Finding yourself also makes you react right away, take for example when a friend or acquaintance makes fun of you..and instead of taking offense to the remark, you simply say, "Hey, that's just who I am!" You make others aware that this is who you've found and this is who you are....kind of like a take it or leave it type of thing but in a good way.

This is when you've come face to face with your fears and have conquered your INNER demons. You've let go of any excess baggage that came along for the ride and/or any that you yourself have created. You've found a path that's been suitable for you and no matter what anyone else says about it, you know you'll make it a good one and even learn every step of the way. Also, clearly, you love yourself in a healthy way.

Now, is there anything wrong with changing direction? Is there anything wrong with finding a new path that you were meant to follow? The answer's up to you to decide. 

Were all meant to do good and be positive in our lives, although sometimes along the way we seem to have trouble and do the exact opposite, that's why it's good to always question yourself and look beyond instead of your day to day actions...look at those too, but make sure you're on the right path before going on any further.

When YOU know who YOU are...LIVE IT!

Monday, June 20, 2011

10 Year Anniversary

So this is actually a big year for me, 2011 has marked a 10 year Anniversary for several occasions in several aspects of my life...all of them actually believe it or not I'm so very proud of! At the same time I GASP! especially with how fast time flew by...that's life though...can't have it any better than that!

So here we go:

It's been 10 years since...

--->I graduated High School (Class of 2001)
I feel like "Romy & Michelle" at times because as much as I try to internally grow up, I'm still a kid at heart...although I'm not gonna go back to my reunion and claim that I invented "Post-its"! Actually, my 10 year Reunion is going to take place this year on October 1st, 2011 in the same city I graduated in....Temecula, Ca. A lot of us are squeamish about coming back and seeing each other, while others of us still keep in contact either through spouses, Facebook, and/or jobs. At one of the salons I work at in  Murrieta, CA, I work with 2 of my classmates from High School, and when clients find out that we all went to school together they ask the dreaded question, "Do you guys still look the same as when you did back then?" We simply say, "Um, NO! Were hairstylists, we change every week!" Its always good to make a joke out of a sticky situation like that! I just hope some of my girlfriends whom I still keep in contact with decide to join me at the last minute, they're not too thrilled to come back, so maybe I can coax them with a FREE makeover! Cross your fingers~

--->I have been in the Beauty Industry

I graduated High School in June 2001, decided to rest for 7 weeks, then went right back into looking for my 1st job, get my driver's license, get my 1st car, and enroll in Beauty School, not kidding you, I accomplished all these goals in one month. My mom called it "ambitious", I simply called it the, "My Mom is gonna kill me if I sit on my butt for more than a week" type of ambition! I enrolled in Beauty School in late August 2001, which at the time gave me my start date on September 11, 2001. With enrolling in school, that same week I applied for a job at the Temecula Mall in a store called, Trade Secret, which was a beauty supply and salon. The manager at the time told me she was going to call me if she wanted to hire me...well, I went back after a week of no call backs, and asked her why she never called me back?? She said she was waiting for my call, yet she told me she would call me...hahahaha, I was very confused! Anyway, after our little tiff, she hired me on the spot because I argued with this day I'm still in communication with her and one of my co-workers from that store (Special hugs to Mari and Cherie!) When I started  Beauty School on 9/11, it was a horrifying day with what was going on, so it was hard to capture my new surroundings, even though I was in a class of 40 women!!! Oh every gay teen's dream! Luckily I survived with no scars : )

--->I've had my Best "GUY" Friend 

I have 4 Best Friends, 3 of them are women, and 1 of them is a guy which whom I consider a Brother  of mine, our bond is one that has survived everything!!! Jason and I met personally in October 2001  when I started my 2nd year of Confirmation classes at St. Frances of Rome in Wildomar, Ca. I was in a very dark place at that time due to my "Coming out of the Closet" in earlier months and losing all but 5 of my friends due to the BIG news. This is why I wanted to fill my time with task after task, it hid my pain for the time being. So the first time I met Jason in class he was asking a bunch of us what grade we were in high school, when he asked me, I glanced with an evil look and said, "I'm in College, NOT in high school!" Jason along with 4 other of my piers looked at me so puzzled and had that "Wow, sorry!" look on their faces. Then he found me interesting because everyone loved Jason, he was this gravitating force that everyone loved to be around, clearly not me at the time. Then a month later he called me at  my house and was asking if I had a book we had used the previous confirmation Year, then I told him that I would call him back because I needed to find it, so he gave me his number. I called him 5 min. after and then we sparked a conversation. From that point on, we started calling each other, hanging out, and then a friendship was formed. He's a great soul from which actually both of us have learned so much and have grown to LOVE and RESPECT each other, and our own personal relationship with GOD. We've been through tears, arguments, happy laughs, celebrations, broken relationships, you name it, we've done it! He now has a beautiful wife and a 9 month old daughter whom I love very much! The family has grown as have our hearts, and we thank GOD for putting us in each others path, he's the reason why we LOVE the way we do <3

--->I came OUT to the World

I had to officially come OUT of the closet in May 2001 due to me falling for one of my close friends (I've written about him in a couple of my other blogs). I wish I had the support that teens now have in school and even with their family and friends, it makes things a little easier for the future which is great! I've been fortunate to have a handful of people around me that love me unconditionally, they've been with me through my inner battle of me, myself and I. I didn't know which way was up at that time, and to top it all of, I had finals, choir concerts and graduation to worry about..for a 17 year old, that's brutal! I survived thankfully, and soon began my mission to discover myself and ACCEPT myself for who I was. A mission that took me from the age of 17 to the age of 25. I've had my ups and downs, it took time for me to heal from all the wounds that were created for years. Was it worth it? YES!!! I've grown to LOVE GOD and know why I was put on this earth:

To teach others that LOVE comes from the individual, it takes a BIG person to understand who you are and have the ability to respect you, the time will come, and until then, learn to LOVE and RESPECT yourself for who YOU are and NOT for what society wants you to be.

So as you can see, 10 years has brought me many influential people, memories I will never forget, and lessons I will pass on to future generations! On to the next 10 years : )

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Starting Today

"Starting Today" is a song by Natalie Imbruglia by which I actually discovered on accident. A quick story behind it, back in 2005 I was shopping at Amoeba Music in Hollywood, Ca and as I was spending 3 hours there already just on music, I saw that Natalie Imbruglia had other albums out beside the 2 I already had, so because I like the album cover, I purchased this album without ever having heard a single song on the record. Needless to say, once I was able to listen to the record, it blew me away! Such simple lyrics with simple melodies but such feeling!!! To this day, this song brings a smile to my face : )

This song is a realization of when the soul recognizes that once and for all, a new leaf has now been turned and LIFE will now continue without wasting any time. Of course there's a driving force behind this new and improved being, which actually makes me love the song more because it's true in real life. 

There's always a great opportunity when we open ourselves to communication, when were open to help from the outside and allow that one inspirational person to come along for the ride so we can beat whatever it is that may be plaguing us. 

Substance allows us to grow, by allowing others in our hearts again bit by bit, were able to wash away the feeling of nothing-ness, the empty smiles that contain nothing but a shell. Were able to genuinely smile and give a reason behind the smile, behind the laughter, behind the "good morning's", behind the forceful hugs. 

Many people, myself included, have turned to GOD as the source of inspiration, which nothing can beat that, at the same time, I was able to let some people in by having them show me a different side of life, and in return I was able to see where they drew their own inspiration from...some had their parents, their siblings, their hairstylists (no joke!), their best friends, and even a piece of art on the wall. 

If anything, what I want you to get from this is: 

There's that 1 thing out there in the world that has you wanting more out of life, it makes you yearn for the inspiration to achieve your why not start allowing the positive influences to make an impact, help you build a path so together it can make you want to go above and beyond?! Let the right influences have an opportunity to capture your heart, allow them to catch your fall, it's O.K. to do so.

We feel just like Natalie sings in the bridge of this song:

Anyway, I should have told you
So many times
That I shyed away
Somehow you always seem to
Be there, making it easy
And you give me reason to stay...

Peace and love my friends!

"Starting today I'm not gonna waste another moment..." 

Monday, June 13, 2011

Let's go FORWARD----> meet a person you like, one that you're interested in, then, things start to get better and soon there's a relationship there...afterward, you both discover that maybe it's not best for both of you to be together, so you break up and TRY to move on and not look back....yet you have this ingly-tingly sensation to want to reach out and talk to that person it a wise choice????

I can say that in my experience with this situation, it went sour...BOTH times!

I always try not to burn any bridges especially when it comes to relationships, you never know what the future might hold in store for you. Although, the same feelings might not be reciprocated by the other party, so then you start to question yourself and say, "Did I really mess this one up? Why don't they want to talk to me?" Yes it really messed me up especially when it was claimed that I hurt them so bad that they cried for days on end! Ok, and really, what right mind wouldn't get messed up after hearing this???!

Then for days after that, I started to re-evaluate myself and see what I really did wrong....and when I found it, it all made sense:

The ending of those relationships had me DONE trying to understand and give comprehension to my patience...I was being tested to see how far I would go..and I fell into the trap of "See..all you care about is yourself!" instead of seeing the overall view of who was to blame, it was all turned on me, so they would feel numb to the situation and make themselves feel better...that way, I would feel horrible about my decision, then come crawling back to see how they were doing, then have them turn me away and get vengeance that about a control problem!!!  So overall, I fell into the trap of beating myself for what had happened, then going back for more and more of what I didn't need or deserve instead of just moving forward with life.

There are times where WHEN and IF you make a FINAL definitive decision, close the case and go forward, move on with what's next and make something positive out of that situation. I'm not saying that all relationships end this way or that people don't deserve a second chance, but there's a reason why the word FINAL sounds the way it does...memories will always be there, you can't erase them, but why turn back when you can move forward and better yourself and others...?!

Everyone is different, see what you can come up with, maybe it'll be better the way you handle it, who knows....all I know is....

Balance is necessary....Let's go FORWARD---->

Thursday, June 9, 2011

ADD....don't take AWAY

Change seems to be in full bloom as we speak with everyone around the world...some are coming at the best time, some are coming at the worst time, yet, no matter where change seems to land itself, always remember:

ADD to the situation....don't take AWAY from it

Point blank, add to the what you have going on, don't take opportunities away from yourself. Change requires us to think, make sure we have have everything balanced and separate what we need from what we don't need. Yes times can get scary, that's what change can bring if you feed into your own insecurity, take a leap, we won't know what's good for us until we actually bring on the challenge. 

I can hear some say already, "But why do I need to challenge myself, I'm fine the way I am and where I'm at in life"...true, but how else are you expecting to grow? Opportunities come in a handful in this life and most of the time, if you say NO, you just let go of what would've been the best decision for you to improve your inner self. Always take a step back and take time to reflect, it's O.K. to take your time and say, "I'm going to keep it into consideration".

LIFE can just go round and round if you want it can get pretty boring and therefore be so stagnant that instead of adding something positive to your own experiences, your taking away precious time where you can be making a difference in someone else's pretty much, SPEAK UP, challenge yourself to do so! 

Allow yourself to be heard,  ADD to your situation and don't take AWAY from it, there's always a positive and a negative, make sure you stay on the positive side.

Above anything, RESPECT yourself and others, it'll get everyone farther in LIFE if we just learn to ACCEPT (ADD) not DISRESPECT (TAKE AWAY)

Friday, June 3, 2011

Where to Belong

When trying to find research for subjects, more times than often, it jumps right at you!

This week it's been 3 times that I've heard 3 different people, all different ages, have said that they are completely lost in their journeys, and don't know where they belong. I've been's one of the most frustrating and agonizing feelings one can ever feel.

The exact word is "Inadequate"'s how I was able to move past the slump and time my position in life accordingly:

-Took a Look Around
I had to examine my friends, acquaintances, family members and the places I was hanging out at to see who and what was the best thing for me. I had to let go of some friends and acquaintances due to the lack of respect. I didn't feel like I was being treated fairly and was constantly questioned with every decision I made. Same with family members, deciphering who were the negative from the positive was actually easy, true colors really show when you least expect it. As for places, food was becoming my best friend because I was feeling empty, so instead of going to restaurants, I went for reading books and looking for new music to uplift myself...I somehow knew what I was missing.

-Time was of the ESSENCE
I will NEVER give decisions a second glance! I had to learn to trust my own decision making and know that I knew the best outcome for me. Even when it came to my daily job, insecurities got the best of me and made me have disbelief in what I loved doing. I could've slapped myself silly at that point! Why was I letting doubt throw me for such a swirl that didn't even need to go through...therefore, whether the outcome was a good or questionable one, I went with my gut instinct and stuck to my final answer, I was able to build up my strength slowly and one day at a time.

-TRUST Thyself
The only way I was able to get through my troubled nights was actually spending time with myself, watching a movie or a show by myself, making dinner just for me, reading a magazine peacefully, and most importantly, reorganizing what was best for me, my self-esteem. I was having such trust issues because I wasn't giving ME the time of day or night...sounds easy yes, but it was hard and very trying.

-Resurrected my Faith 
YES! I went back to basics....I went back to the one being the whole world can't see in front of them, but can feel the burning fire every step of the way! LIFE was so much better when I had GOD around me, when I acknowledged that he was present in my daily mind and LIFE. The more I was getting lost and started to believe the negativity the more I was losing trust in my faith and forgot how there was someone out there who actually cared what I was going through, even in my most intimate  and deepest thoughts at night. So I started praying...and I started to have these "talks" with GOD often. In the car I'm sure I looked like an odd ball talking to myself but let me tell you, it was therapeutic! I was allowed to say anything I wanted, release everything in my mind and heart and actually go through and examine exactly what I was saying. Then I was able to LET GO and have FAITH that all would turn out as it should. It was then that I regained strength and realized what I had forgotten: GOD is GOOD!

Time is on our side... yes, we NEVER know where we'll end up, although at least we can guide ourselves to achieve the most that we can, and in the end, know WHERE TO BELONG.....
the choice is ours!