Wednesday, January 23, 2013

A Diamond CANNOT be broken

In true reality, a diamond can only be scratched or damaged by its own kind...same can be said about human nature and PRIDE.

Humans in any nature can be put to the test time and time again and for some reason, no matter how many times we go through the same thing over and over again, it always feels like it's the very first time were going through it. Never recognizing a flaw, or even a lesson learned. 

Point in case, every time we have a fight with a loved one, have it be a sibling, parent or a close friend...we always want to be the only ones making sense and want to have the final word, having our point come across as strong as a "tiger's roar".

Yet every time we have a fight with a boyfriend/girlfriend, it's still a strong argument, though we lend a hand in our defeat at times, and in this case, we don't care whether we win or lose, as long as we get to keep the one we "love". 

The more we argue, the more we "roar" and the more we makes ourselves the focal point, the more we're scratching our Diamond surfaces with our pride and ignorance and allowing others to influence ANY positive growth in us unless we're romantically getting something in return, and even then, it's double the damage.

The point to LIFE is to make a difference for the better, not to make the world a much a harder foundation. These days I see a lot of values being compromised for the sake of wanting to have it "your way". PRIDE lives deep in every one of us and at any age, especially as children, we use it to our full advantage to have the world WE want OUR way. 

PRIDE is a very dangerous mechanism to use and if we're not careful , it'll get the best of us and sooner rather than later, we'll lose the shine to our "Diamond" like nature. 

Remember to KEEP those greater qualities you possess and cherish them, share them with the world to make other shine as brightly as you are. 

Although do RECOGNIZE and ADMIT to faults when the time permits it to be so, if you don't, PRIDE will only get the best of your shine and dull you and those around you. 

A Diamond CANNOT be broken...
YOU can't be broken...
UNLESS you do it to yourself. 

Saturday, January 19, 2013

"Cause I'd Already Know" Part 2

I saw that your eyes were seeing someone else, though I wasn't sure your heart felt the same....

Your hugs were stronger than ever, yet you weren't all there....

You never mentioned there was another person entering your life....

As I saw it unwind before my eyes...

I knew this would be a never ending subject....

Boy was I right! 

I should've come forward sooner with my insecurities, with my doubts, and all I kept doing was suppressing them to the deepest core of my emptiness. I no longer felt the security you once gave me. Seeing you with another made me feel low, then soon after, I had to blow up. 

The last thing I ever wanted for you were the lingering questions of whether or not you felt happy with me, or was it that you and I had 2 different visions of what we meant to each other. Either way, I knew I had lost, and STILL, I put up one hell of a tantrum fight.

I remember crying knowing that you weren't going to be in my LIFE for long because sooner or later you were going to be asked to never associate yourself with me. It was a feeling I was deathly afraid of, and a solitude I wasn't prepared for. Blaming GOD was the easy route, though I had no one to blame but myself.

Since then, I was taught to face my fears, I was taught to know and recognize what the blessing was in my experience, and I was told that LOVE was a feeling given by GOD himself. I was also told to never forget you, if anything, I should thank you for giving me the opportunity of discovering my patience, my compassion, my heart. 

Some would call it "obsessive", I call it self discovery.

As you and I went our separate ways, yes, there were times I just couldn't stay away, and it must've been unnerving to you, I know that now. I cried, I sobbed, I felt unworthy and for 2,996 days of my LIFE I asked myself, "Why"?

I have since allowed myself to heal in many ways, to the point where I am now able to help others in their time of need. Ever so often do I think of what I once had, songs come up, names will pop in front of me, your touch can NEVER be duplicated nor do I ever want it duplicated. Even some people who, have wanted to capture my heart simply can't, because they're not you. One has been wanting to see what I have to offer, yet before I allow them the opportunity, I need to attend to this open door of yours first and foremost. 

In plain sight, I want you to be happy. I would love to have you back in my LIFE for friendship purposes, nothing else. I'm as good of a listener now as I ever was way back when, therefore if you need a good listener, let me know. I don't expect an apology nor am I ever looking for one. My heart had seeked it for years, yet I knew that time would heal my wounds and that your silence would be that apology of yours. I came into your LIFE to let you know how much ONE person can love you, no matter what. You came into mine to help me see who the real "me" was and still is. I wouldn't take anything back and neither should you. 

I've listened carefully to your indirect messages, and I've thought long and hard... above anything I give you UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, the value of these words and their actions are worth more than anyone will ever know. For you my dear friend..ANYTHING

I would want to know your response, although...

I'd already know..  

"Cause I'd Already Know" Part 1

I was told recently that you've been thinking of me....

"Recently" has now turned into almost a year.....

Within the months you've gotten stronger....

Within the days the signs have been inevitable, no matter how quietly I've tried to ignore them...

Your name pops up everywhere....

When I thought I had closed my door...yours remained open.


To this day I have a belief in my mind that you have this resentment toward me. Almost as if you're asking yourself, "Why did you do this to me?" Believe me, the day I poured my heart out to you was the day I'll never forget your expression and reaction. It was almost as if you were turned inside out, without having been asked permission. To that extent, I will always continue to say, "I'm sorry".

Before anything, let me recap this from my behalf...

The day we very first connected I remember so fondly, although I'm sure you don't. I seem to have a memory that goes far and beyond that's its not even funny. When I first laid eyes on you all I wanted to do was say "Hi", and even back then I was as shy as ever. For some reason I connected with who you were, who would've thought that it would've been you whom allowed me to discover myself in a million ways. 

You gave this confident exterior that only a few people got you, then before I knew it you joined one of my favorite activities in hopes of getting an easy grade. It was then known that it was nothing to you, yet to me, I wanted to get to know you, this gentle soul I knew was in there somewhere. Within a few months you turned out to be one of the most caring people I had the pleasure of knowing. As time went on I knew that you played with people's feelings, yet I was certain you wouldn't play with mine. 

The first year we grew close, even had deep phone conversations getting to know one another on a personal level. I know that was a lot for you being that you weren't a phone person, and you're still not. By the end of that year, you had written a special message to me that I continue to carry with my  belongings whereever I move to this day, it was a message that I knew came from your heart, because you had asked me to give you time to write it and be patient with you as you took your time, then had asked me not to read it until I was alone. It was heartfelt to say the least. 

 The second year was smooth starting, even growing closer. By then I had found out that tradgedy had struck your inner circle, in a way that very few people knew. I pretended not to know for respect of your privacy. Back then I wasn't religious whatsoever, yet I remember praying for your loss... GOD must've not been too thrilled with me at that time, though I'm sure he knew my intentions were real. 

The feeling I would get knowing I would get to see you was electric. I just wanted to see your smile, feel your warm hugs, and to this day, it was your touch that had me sealed. I knew I had your shoulder to lean on if I ever needed it. Until the time came when your heart was split in two. I was told by others to pull away, yet I wouldn't and I didn't listen. I was told not to see the TRUTH, I again didn't listen and  wanted to see it for myself...

It was more than what I bargained for. 

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

The Open Door of "Unpretty"

We ALL have our days when we feel good, when we feel empowered, when we feel like we can tackle on the day...then we have our days when we feel what is called "Unpretty"...we feel ugly, bloated (Men and Women), useless, and cranky. 

Out of those two ways that a human can feel, we try to always go the positive route, yet I have to say this...sometimes we must leap at the chance to open the Door to:


Why? Why not close that door for good? Why must we give in to feeling negative?

It's necessarily a "Negative" Door per say, 
it's a Reality Check

Everyone these days love the Reality Shows that are continuously showing on television and we can't get enough of seeing others in their turmoil, and as we say, "Better them than me" right?! Well by seeing others struggle, in some sick and twisted way, we find it interesting and amazing. I know when I see others struggle my face turns inside out and deep inside I'm waiting for the positive side to show up quick, especially if they're airing it on television. 

Along with seeing others struggle, we can identify at times with their pain and it can at least give us answers to what and how we can deal with those types of situations. Even seeing themselves cry is a reality check in itself I'm assuming (nobody wants to see themselves cry, we don't look that great).

As I've stated before many times, were in this world together and if anything we must give eachother a hand when we feel "Unpretty". Most times we try, yet we have times when were saying in our heads (about others),  
"Ohhh hell here you go again!" 
 I'm sorry but let me tell you this reality:

I felt "Unpretty" for 8 full years of my life and only 2 people stuck by me throughout those tumultuous years, and I would cry out of nowhere, I would feel unworthy, and even would question myself week after week. I felt crazy, and plenty of times I felt like I wasn't able to ever dig myself out of that hole. It wasn't until I faced my own challenges, my own fears that I was able to slowly get out of the "Unpretty" mentality. To this day, those 2 individuals are STILL in my LIFE and remind me of how much I'm loved by their hugs and hearing the words "I LOVE YOU". GOD is a HUGE part of my LIFE as well, and without HIM, NOTHING was and is possible. 

Next time you feel "Unpretty", don't close the Door, OPEN it and see what you can do to face your fears and challenges, it's your Reality Check wanting you to come Full Circle

Next time someone close to you feels "Unpretty", make them understand they're LOVED no matter what, and allow them to see how great they are through your eyes, 
they'll be able to see it soon enough.

Friday, January 11, 2013

Move Away From This

"I've got no time for bitterness. I wanna move away from this.
I've found myself somebody Ooh ooh ooh."

Back in 1999, Melanie C, aka "Sporty Spice" of the Spice Girls released her debut solo album aptly titled, "Northern Star". Over in Europe it became a big hit while not so widely recognized in the States, it received moderate success for it's songwriting content and wise musical direction from which the Spice Girls were known for world wide. 

I actually found "Northern Star" at a Barnes & Noble in the summer of 1999 and had a listen to some of the tracks. I instantly fell in love with it! I bought it with my allowance and gave every song my undivided attention and read every lyric in the booklet. I was hooked although instead of spreading the word to my friends about the music I had just discovered, I kept it to myself and made sure to put it on every afternoon that summer of 1999. Brings me great and fond memories! 

What really made this complication of music so dear to me was the way it was being sung. It had smooth harmonies, infectious melodies, real life story telling and most of all, an artist evolving into her own individuality. I could relate to each song, even back then at 16 years of age

One song in particular that I was able to grow close to is called, "Be the One", which describes the need to want that certain someone to mean everything you've ever wanted them to mean to your heart, yet they're the ones being uncertain about who they are around you. 

How many times are we not holding out for the "right person" and all they're doing is stalling our worlds...?! We keep hoping they'll change their ways and actually show how they truly feel for us, how they should accept us how we are, though as we ALL can lead a horse to water yet you can't MAKE him drink it!

 Same goes for ANY relationship of any kind..just when you think you're making things better, in the end you're making things worse until you wake up and suddenly it clicks and you say,

"My time is valuable" 

It sure is!!!
 If you EVER need help weeding out the ones that have value over the ones that are in it for themselves, just simply stick to the lyrics Melanie C and her team came up with to round up this melodic song:

"I've got no time for bitterness. I wanna move away from this.
I've found myself somebody. Ooh ooh ooh."

Be the One that knows what you want <3

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

And Sarah McLachlan continues....

The beginning of the year last year I started off with a Sarah McLachlan entry featuring "Sweet Surrender"...and like tradition has it, this is how the first blog of 2013 will start as well with:

Ice Cream

When you eat Ice Cream, you feel all the emotions in the tastes good, it's VERY cold, yet when it settles it's a warm feeling and in the end, you feel satisfied. Ice Cream is just that, a feel good remedy for when wanting to start over in general.

Sarah reminds us that most times "it's a long way down" a journey usually from where everything starts from. It's good to be reminded of that from time to time because we forget our struggles in our paths and we don't acknowledge what it takes to get stronger, the past as well as our future can get a bit fuzzy.

In the Ice Cream sense, whether it's Chocolate, Vanilla, Strawberry, etc., every flavor tastes differently yet in the end it makes you feel the makes you feel great! From LIFE to LOVE, Chocolate to Vanilla, Past to Future, it's all worth it! You'll know and be ready to cry and fight for what makes you feel that much better.

In my Ice Cream bowl, I pick:

Vanilla with a couple mounds of Rainbow Sprinkles

Vanilla=The Love I once cherished
Rainbow Sprinkles=The taste that makes me smile
Extra Mounds of Rainbow Sprinkles=Something that much more Special

"Your love
Is better than ice cream.
Better than anything else that I've tried"

Thank you Sarah
Ice Cream 2013 here we come!