Saturday, February 25, 2012


The word "Abandonment" has such a negative meaning to it, that although it may seem that way, it can be overturned into a positive action...yet, what does "Abandonment" really say to you personally..?

To withdraw one's support or help from;
To give up by leaving or ceasing to operate or inhabit

Of course you've heard the phrases, "Don't leave me! Don't abandon our love!" or "I have abandonment issues" or "I did not expect to be abandoned"...Often in our daily lives we tend to jump from one thing to another every single time it get's tough for us, every time we believe that it won't get any better.

Parents, siblings, close friends, relationships, we've ALL experienced at least ONE aspect of abandonment. Usually it takes place when something is too unbearable to handle so were then looking for a positive reinforcement and eventually, wanting to get our way. So we move on and open door after door after door until we get what we want, what we think is the answer to every prayer imaginable.

What clouds us as humans at times is the inability to ACCEPT that we are NOT to succeed at everything we do or try to accomplish. We may seem to know those times as our "weaker" moments, and little to we know at times, we need those moments to remind us of our strength, how much we can withstand and how much growth has been progressed, if any. 

I have seriously thought at times to get rid of everything I've ever worked for and just feed it to the wolves so it can solve a lot of family and personal issues...yet, it wouldn't make me happy, if anything it would make me miserable to know that I had to give into the pressure of others. It's a bit difficult at times to sense or even see the light at the end of the tunnel because of the LONG road it takes at times to really achieve a goal. 

Is all the stress worth it?? Does the self doubt get easier after a while?? Will there ever be a time where I can easily move forward? 

The answers are that much at odds when ABANDONMENT takes place every time an obstacle presents itself and we take a step backward. The more we abandon our issues, the farther away we move from our inner beings.

It's normal to be scared, to be afraid of LIFE altogether, we don't know what may come tomorrow, and in reality, how prepared can we really be? Not much, although we can expect to fully capture LIFE in it's own essence, on it's own tangent and on it's own timeline. Opening other doors before closing the one in front of you will only obscure your vision, will only bring you issues upon other issues and cause stress. Why not just face head on what needs to get done? Find an answer that speaks directly to you instead of beating around the bush...then you'll be able to close that door and will then be able to open another one, and this time, on YOUR own terms and on YOUR own time.

We ALL have issues, we ALL have what we fear, what's left is to build our strength and close those doors one by one and lock them up once and for ALL

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Living GAY...Loving GOD!

This subject matter will forever be in question in this world because due to the nature of a "GAY" person in society, they abhor religion and just want to party, drink, and have sex all the time...little does the world know, that is very FAR from the truth!!

2 weeks ago I went to Amoeba in Hollywood where there's music and DVD's galore!! It makes me miss Tower Records and Virgin Megastores I must say. Anyway, every time I go there I spend anywhere up to 2 hrs there looking for new music and movies to expand my vision and perspective of Pop Culture. Luckily this time, it was only 45 min that I was there, surprisingly!

I picked up a few DVD's, one of which was an independent film that was in the Gay/Lesbian section of the store aptly titled "Save Me", it was chosen as one of the Sundance Film Festival featured selections back in 2007. 

"Save Me"
A sex and drug addicted young man who is forced into a Christian-run ministry in an attempt to cure him of his "gay affliction", where instead he is faced with the truth in his heart and spirit. 

It seriously took me 3 weeks to watch because of my schedule, I was watching it bit by bit and taking it in slowly. Then when I finished the movie, it reminded me of how I used to feel when I was in Youth Ministry a couple years back. From the ages 18-25 I was so torn and almost felt like I was leading a double life..Gay and still Love GOD??? What??? Yet, a BIG difference between the film and my life was that I wasn't in a rehab or had any alcohol or drug abuse, thankfully!

 In the film, the main character, Mark, has been leading a reckless life and nearly comes face to face with death until his family brings him to a ministry where they're NOT trying to change him, rather devote his time and life to GOD and set things in his life right. Throughout the film Mark has struggles with trying to really find his path in life.. a new path... and whether or not this path is the one GOD or the people around him want him to follow. It really gives a glimpse to a TRUE struggle, one with which I could definitely identify firsthand. 

In my years in Ministry, help was needed and not enough people were stepping up to teach and relate to teenagers. I swear after every year I helped out, I would always say it was my last year helping, it became a long running joke and was asked of me every year I would come back to help. It was a very trying time and yet a time of self discovery. Many would say that I was too "OUT" there to teach teens about GOD, I was not the "Set" role model as the other helpers were, so to be on the outside that is. As any young adult would have it, I would date and have fun with friends, safe fun of course, yet, I would question every single act because I felt almost compelled to give up my fun times to keep others happy and for them to see that I was fully committed to serving GOD and his ministry. I would ask myself, 

"Why GOD would you put me in this LIFE to suffer and be conflicted?" 

Retreats helped a lot, and speaking to priests and other youth ministers helped as well, yet nothing helped so much as that time when I truly felt can read that blog here:

As I have put it before, this was ALL in my head, I was my own destruction and my own worst enemy inside. GOD has nothing but LOVE for everyone and allows us to LIVE freely, and allows us to make our decisions. Although, with every action comes a sacrifice, and with every sacrifice comes a NEW beginning, something the character in this film Mark learns along the way, and something I learned 7.5 years serving in Youth Ministry. 

These days it's hard to go to church services because of my career schedule, yet, when I have the opportunity to go, I'm the first one there! GOD is present in my LIFE everyday, every week, every hour I'm able to live, and even though I have my flaws, being GAY is certainly NOT one of them.

 If anything, it's a gift to learn from and to be able to teach others that it is possible to be in this world  
Living GAY and Loving GOD.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Remember those WALLS I built

It's fitting to say that in LIFE, everything and everyone has an opinion, no doubt. You'll either be loved, liked, disliked or hated. There are some people out there that are so cruel, so miserable that they decide to make something out of nothing, I have some of those in my family...and if you pay attention, everything will be bugging you and you'll be on edge your whole LIFE.

To help not let it get inside your skin, everytime something or someone negative attacks, simply repeat:

Remember those WALLS I built

As a kid, if I wasn't fat I was too skinny, if I was to say I was Gay I was flamboyant, if I was too quiet I was mischievous, and if I told the truth I would get in trouble, and if I lied I was punished no matter was ALWAYS something!! 

As an adult, if a gray hair didn't cover my client's hair it's my fault I didn't put enough color on that spot, if I don't work hard I'm looked at as being lazy and too comfortable, if I work too much I'm being career obsessed, if I don't have a romance I'm closing myself too much, If I don't pay for things I'm being cheap, if I don't objectify every man walking my way I'm discriminatory against them...again, it's ALWAYS something!!

Yes, I put myself out there for the world to have an opinion, which is fine by me, although, people will talk and talk to make themselves feel or look their very best because why? Only because they can. I've heard and read it all and have taken so much criticism that I can fill up 20 bathtubs full of what others have said about me, and the best part about it is....I DON'T CARE : )

How do you not care what the person next to you is thinking or saying about you? You simply just don't give it a FIRST glance and/or thought. Easier said than done yes, but wouldn't you much rather feel the positivity of your own effort than the negativity of another's conscience??

As we grow we learn to build walls to protect us from any person or thing that's out to capture that light of positivity we ALL naturally have. Sometimes those walls take forever to put up, though it depends on how strong you want them to become. At times they can tumble down, and it's OK, as long as you're able to stabilize them with passion and effort. You'll be looked at as a stuck up person who thinks so highly of yourself, and if that's what others' take of you what
Stand firm and get ready to be bruised, in time you'll heal on the outside.

Each wall you put up around yourself should represent the positive nature you possess, those qualities with which you can help yourself and others when in a time of need. There will be a time where you'll need to a recharge, take down old walls and put up new ones as you grow inside. The beauty of ALL this is the fact that you're able to stay intact and keep yourself whole rather than expose to toxicity. Exposure will happen, though it's up to you how you handle it within your walls.

LIFE isn't always perfect, although the wonders of what ONE being can possess is GREATER than that of an army of 100.

Many Blessings,
 LOVE, and LIGHT my friends!

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Why Blog?

The same question keeps being asked of me whenever my BLOG is brought up...along with ALL the things I do, and ALL my responsibilities at 28 years old...WHY blog every week???

Well, it's simple everyone...I can only share so much of myself in a 2 hr. color time slot when I have you in my chair in the salons, and most of the time, I want to hear what YOU'VE been up to rather than talk about me. Therefore, when I used to write lyrics and poems back when I was doing my music, I was able to get every emotion out of me, whether it was angst, sadness, happiness, confusion, etc. I've written lyrics since then, although because I'm not performing them, they go in the Busy Little Queen Vault and stay there until I want to revisit them again. 
Then everyone wouldn't be able to know what I've been through, and because I am a pretty private person with some parts of my life, I at least want to get my creativity out in the open, hence my online BLOG.

It's fun to see what others are up to, whether in BLOG form, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Tumblr or even something as simple as emailing. I still do side projects and have 2 in the making as we speak..I have no time frame for them so I'm taking my time launching them, and as at times it is a curse for me, I'm VERY meticulous with what I put out in the open.

As many of you have read in the past, I've been open about my past romantic relationships, my family, Mommy Dearest, some of my childhood memories, my thoughts and struggles, my talks with GOD, my likes and dislikes in entertainment, etc. When I told Mommy Dearest last year that she was one of my most popular subjects to write about, she said, 

"I can ONLY imagine what you're writing about me!!"
Hahahahahaha! All I could do was laugh! Truth be told, I told her that I write everything as I remember it in my head, NO embellishments. She has yet to read one of my Blogs, although I have nothing to hide, least of all from her. She's my Mom, no matter what! 
She gives me great subject matters though : )

With that said, to celebrate in the 'LIKES' in the entertainment world this week, one of my favorite recording artists who also happens to be a good friend of mine just released her 2nd Cover Song with her video along with it, and due to my surprise, I happen to be in the beginning of the video for a snippet, it's too funny!

Everyone, here is Paula Deanda's new music video "Young, Wild & Free"!

Wasn't it great?! This shows who she really is, a lovable, fun, great singer with a great soul! I love working with her on her projects, especially on her new looks, which you just saw in the video.  
This next one was her last cover song back in December, "Without You":

Ahhhh! I love her vocals! Many great ventures are coming up for my good friend, she deserves it and upon anything, this GOD given talent of hers is ONE to remember for years to come!

Busy Little Queen LOVES you Ms. Paula D!!!

So..why BLOG?
Well, now you know...

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

The Unexpected

No..this isn't one to be so serious on, don't's actually a very interesting concept, especially when it has to do with one of my first loves....MUSIC!

The music shows are on full gear! At least the two that really take the ratings by storm, The Voice & American Idol. Talk about TALENT!!! These voices on the auditions for these shows are amazing and along with ALL of America are hooked and these singers, again,  that come out of nowhere.

There was an episode on "American Idol" not too long ago, taken place in Galveston, Texas, where 2 out of 3 judges were, in my opinion, letting go of such great singers! Steven Tyler and Randy Jackson were saying "Yes" to some of the not so good singers, while the ones with interesting voices and smooth vibrato's were being let go...I was beside myself! Jennifer Lopez was beside herself as well, she couldn't believe what she was hearing! At one point she even told Randy Jackson, "Really?? Wake UP!" It was mind blowing and annoying, yet, that's part of what makes the show great, they're ALL so different. Hollywood Week is coming up and I can't wait to see who makes the cut, it's brutal because the contestants only get 1 shot to make a great impression. Whoa!

Now on "The Voice", all 4 judges are back and the Blind Auditions have started and the singers auditioning on the show are also so good!!! Although I will say almost every story they've picked to showcase is one of the sappiest stories ever! At one point you just want to be, "Enough Already!", but the world is in turmoil, so we only wish for one of the chairs to turn so the singers will have a chance to show what they're made out of.

A 2 hour episode aired last night, the 6th of February, and one of the contestants that left me wanting more was Dez Duron, the Yale Football player who took a semester off to audition for the's what he sounded like:

Besides the fact that he has good looks, he has a unique sound that in my opinion should've been picked by either Cee-Lo Green or Adam Levine. He took a chance and auditioned with a song from the Backstreet Boys, which is one of the hardest songs to cover because instead of 5 voices, it's only one. He did such a good job revamping the song and making it his own. I myself was very bummed that none of the judges turned around for him. Although something tells me this won't be the last time we'll hear from him. Great Job Dez and keep up the great VOICE!!!

I'm sure like these judges on both shows, there are some UNEXPECTED voices that are coming across where you start to think to yourself, "WOW! Now these are voices, these should be today's artists!" Although, it takes something much more than just a great voice to become successful, it takes ALL of you to become what it is you want to become, expect the UNEXPECTED, and LIVE it to the fullest, cause it'll be a wild ride!!!

Friday, February 3, 2012


Before a couple blogs ago we talked about "So-Called Independence", when someone is trapped and is angry at the world and this is the aftermath of it being:


Once you've gone through the motion of feeling sorry for yourself and knowing that you MUST get through the anger issues and accept that it is only YOU that can give yourself that independence, somehow now your heart is free of torment, of anxiety, and self guilt. 

Now you want to break out of your shell and tell those who make your LIFE hell around you to go stick their heads in the mud because YOU don't deserve to be treated poorly (like you and they were doing so before). You want to explore the view, the overall view of meeting new people, getting to wander and appreciate the smallest of things. Although, Self Independence is more than "moving on" and "exploring"'s Self Respect, Self Indulgence, and learning to Self it at all Selfish??? Not when it comes to Self Discovery.

Self Respect
Give yourself ample space to absorb BOTH good and "Not so good" traits about yourself. You are who you are, you can't change them, you can just work on them as you go throughout life. Respect comes a loooong way, learn to live with you and appreciate you.

Self Indulgence
Too much of self indulgence can be crucial as well, yet, when focused on others and they're appetites and desires, it can be OK to indulge on your own piece of cake that everyone else was eating for months, years, on end. Just like cake though, too much will result in a very blah state of mind and a stomach very careful!

Self Appreciate
Is it OK to pat yourself on the back for what you're trying to overcome?? Yes, as long as you're trying to overcome with positivity and not go back to where your mind was for so long. Appreciate ALL with everything you've received, you can only look at what you were able to take from your experiences and NOT add or take away anything to make it better. Appreciate all that you can to make yourself a better tomorrow.

After these, which can take a while, depending on how you look at things, come the 3 L's:
Learn, Live, Love
Learn to Appreciate, Live to See, Love to LOVE 

Being oneself is one of the hardest things to become in LIFE, it takes a lot, yet, as I've said it many times before, it's worth every given opportunity! 

Give back to yourself enough to withstand what you've always fought for..your very own 
Self Independence

The World that has room for EVERYONE!

This world has so much room for everyone it's not even funny! I see a lot of people these days trying to upstage one another, trying to prove that their worthy and of course my personal favorite, trying to show and prove to themselves that they deserve all the recognition this world has to offer them. I myself am annoyed whenever this is present, it's such a toxic personality and not a good self-esteem trait.

The more I see this type of behavior and attitude amongst adults the more I seem to always ask myself, "Is this for real?" Especially amongst my industry, which is the Beauty Industry. If you're a hairstylist and/or make-up artist, there's room for you to lay down your techniques how you want them done and how you want to create your name for others to know who you are, in a positive light that is.

There have been many times where I've worked really great with other artists in my industry, and they've also been the not so good moments as well, yet, I accept them for who they are and move on. The EGO is a precious heartfelt insecurity that makes us humans vulnerable. For others, it's not that easy, insecurity sets in and they start to lower themselves to the lowest of ALL standards and start being as toxic as those who don't know any better. Accepting each other for who we are apparently is ONE of many attributes that we have that are not within our reach. Why is that?

I can say that with age comes maturity and with experience comes knowledge.
In the beginning of ANY career you are taught to go out there and make a name for climb your way to the top at any expense, and it can get ruthless. Although the more you climb, the higher you get, at times you will fall only to climb back up a little more careful than before. Within each level that you reach in your career, you're bound to meet others in your same position, who are just like you yet they manage themselves a little differently, and O.K. 

There's no reason to want to destroy others so you can be the last one standing, if anything, join forces to make a better name as a pair. There's room for everyone, and a good plus, is that you each present something different to the table...we as a whole make enough common sense to realize that it all comes down to one simple aspect...RESPECT.

Love yourself and each other to know who you are inside and out,
for this is the world that has room for EVERYONE!

P.S. Here's a video where 2 of us work really great with each other...ENJOY!!