The day of ACCEPTANCE pt. 2

I found this quote on Facebook today and the entire day it spoke to me. It's almost as if it's explaining the way I've been living LIFE for the past 4 years now. 

We encounter so much and converse with so many people that it's a natural thing to deviate away from who you truly are to conform to what others want you to be. So much that we forget what it is that makes us feel TRUE, what makes us the person we truly are inside and out.

At one point do you ever feel like you're an actor for different reasons? 

Even the non confrontational part of you makes you not want to show your real heart, just so you wont have to ALWAYS defend yourself...it get's exhausting to want to conform to others let alone want to explain yourself and go into deep conversation every time.

In my case, a lot of the time it can be my sexuality that can set me apart from everyone else, in your case, it can be anything from your heritage, you've been adopted, you grew up in hard times, or even now in this time you're down on your luck while everyone is on a natural high, whatever the case may be, WE ALL have at least 5 close enough friends that we can count on. We have some kind of support system where we can talk, laugh, cry, and even go crazy at times with them without having to change or hide ourselves. We instead bring out ourselves out more and more that we are soon building what is becoming our inner being, our self esteem, our deep rooted smile.

Building LIFE from the inside out is exactly what's needed to bring the natural YOU out into the world. Many opinions will be made, will be said, will be met with expectation...yet to triumph, all it takes is YOU...again, YOU came to this world and YOU are who YOU are for a reason, now is the time to secure that reason and show who YOU are from the interior of your heart to the exterior of your smile. Accept what is yours because it belongs to no one else but YOU!

The day of ACCEPTANCE

Accepting oneself is a huge deal! When it comes to self esteem, one can be it's own worst enemy, yet, when someone else is judging themselves so harshly, we come to their rescue, leaving our own minds behind, thinking, "Oh I'll get back to me soon "...NOT!!!

Ever hear of the "Band-Aid" Syndrome? No? Well good, because I just came up with it, although it's had it's significance throughout my LIFE. I attract what I like to call the "Damaged" souls, the ones who need so much help rebuilding themselves that it can take anywhere from months to a year to more years ahead in the future. 9 times out of 10, they don't want help, they want someone who can listen to them, someone that will pay that extra attention to their very destructive detailed lives and minds.

I myself used to be one of these "Damaged" souls, always in need of someone's attention and in need to create a self improvement project. My goodness what was I thinking????

That was just it though, I was only thinking about the internal issues that plagued me everyday, and at that time, it was the sexuality issue. When I came out at the age of 17, I lost many friends and was put in a "Gay" category that gave me a title that I lived up to (according to my older brother). I was in desperate need to shed the title of "Gay" and wanted to show everyone that even though I came out to the world, I was still as normal as anyone else. I hid behind my ever changing hairstyles, my dark clothing, and my dark attitude. Every person I could grab that would listen to my dilemma of the "Gay" and Normal battle, I would try to convince them into telling me that they understood where I was coming from, even though they were lost in even wanting to understand anything at all. I was making a mess out of their minds and mine all at the same time!

That is until I started to meet other people that had the same dilemma if not a story very close to mine. I started to hear about young teens and adults ending their lives because it was too much for them to handle on the inside, let alone pouring their hearts out to anyone out there in the world. It took me by surprise how many of them never really came out to their friends and loved ones for fear of rejection, for fear of being "Gay" and wanting to be normal, not wanting anything or anyone to change around them. That's when I really started to pray for answers, answers to the questions that were often unfairly asked,

"Are you...G-A-Y?"

"How does it feel to be GAY and religious?"

"How do your parents react to you being, you know, GAY?"

"What does it mean to be GAY?"

These were the 4 most frequently asked questions at the time that I would hear often, they got a bit too much for me after a while. After answering each question in detail to the best of my knowledge year after year after year, I had finally come to an epiphany, a thought that would make ALL the sense in the world...

I AM who I AM for a reason.

 I'm here to tell others that you CAN be any color of the rainbow, you CAN be different and STILL love in ANY way, shape or form, and you're just as lucky to be alive as anyone else on this earth.

OWN your smile, your heart, above anything, OWN yourself. Learning to cry is having experience to shed skin in the near and distant future. As long as you rise above your "Damaged" title, all will be in its proper place to ONE DAY accept YOU as YOU are, for YOU are loved as is.

If for whatever reason next time you attract a a "Damaged" soul, remember to listen and offer your story for hope, for they might just need that "Band-Aid" for the time being to lead up to their day of ACCEPTANCE.

<--The Control YOU CAN'T Have-->

Controlling your own destiny, controlling your own LIFE, controlling what you say, controlling what you do, controlling what you wear, controlling who speaks to you, controlling the future....

All of which, 95% of what I just mentioned you CANNOT control, you just have to

LET IT BE.

The first thing we want to do for ourselves and for our lives is control our daily minutes from the moment we wake up in the morning to the moment we fall asleep at night. They say that you are the way you are because you're controlling your own path, which is true, although, how much of it do we actually have STEADY control of and not MANIPULATE the decisions we are faced with??

By MANIPULATING choices in our lives we are MANIPULATING the outcomes to actually WANT them to come out the way we would like to see them to. Which in the end, what is it that will stick around in our lives? Is it going to be the MANIPULATED outcome or that of the STEADY control outcome? Also, which one will allow us to be real in our everyday state of mind?

It all sounds complicated, yet, it comes to this:

While were able to control our eating habits, where we go, our sense of direction, and what we do with our lives overall, we are NOT allowed to control what IS and what ISN'T supposed to be for us in the present and/or future. There really is no explanation for this uncanny rule of regulation, and even when we use our abilities of MANIPULATION, we'll see the outcome sooner or later, either way, the UNIVERSE has it's way with what IS supposed to be for us at that very moment. 

If you really think about it, what is it that really drives us at times to want to MANIPULATE an outcome? Is it really worth it?

These days, the response I hear a lot of is"...because my Happiness depends on it!"...well, if its that important, then why not strive for happiness? Why not take the proper steps to get to the point where we can GENUINELY be happy instead of cheating ourselves of the growth that is necessary?

Yes...so many questions, so many different answers, 

yet

remind yourself that the control YOU can't have isn't necessarily 

a bad thing, it's untouchable for a reason...

for you to GROW,

and the control you CAN have is there as a tool to help you TRUTH.

A 90' but a Goodie

When I hear about this group, I have such great and fond memories! I have to thank my sister Mari for making me a HUGE fan when I was only 7 years old, they quickly became a favorite of mine to sing around the house and I was constantly seeing them on MTV (when MTV showed music videos). They're still around, and still have those beautiful harmonies that never fade away, oh, and they even appeared in the movie "Bridesmaids" just last year! 

Of course I'm talking about:

Wilson Phillips

I remember being in elementary school and being made fun of for loving Wilson Phillips as much as I did, according to the 1st Grade boys, they weren't for "Boys" to like...Well, like I ever listened!! I've followed their music career since the very beginning all the way up until now, seen every reality show made on them, and love listening to their music. Usually certain memories will have you travel back in time to that very moment when a flash of a movie comes out on T.V. or a song comes out on the radio...well for me, a song of theirs always transports me to the sweet scent of my sister's perfume that I loved oh so much on her and her hair scrunchies would have that same scent as well ("Morning Dew" by Annie Oakley), such great memories!

For Wilson Phillips, "Hold On" really became their biggest hit to date and they're known WORLDWIDE!
In my "BLQ" world though, my favorite song from this great trio is the one you see above, 

"You're in Love". 

"You're in Love" talks about a former love that was once a good friend who has since moved on and is now in love with someone else, and is HAPPY!! Go figure! Now how often does this happen, and in good terms??? Hmmmm...not sure about that statistic, yet, I do know that it CAN happen though. 

There's nothing better than to see that certain person that made a HUGE difference in our lives happy again! Many of us are not meant to be with eachother, and even if we try to force anything against the Universe's will, that's when it backfires and it can take a LONG time to repair. By recognizing what's evident, it can surely make that much more of a difference to both parties and a different path can and will be taken, if anything for the RIGHT reasons.

Many of us have trouble understanding the action part of the word
"Happiness". Of course when you're EXPECTED to LOVE and see someone happy, it's almost as if it can't happen and you don't want to, a very insecure feeling will start settling in all due to the simple fact that you're being stubborn.

How bad can it really hurt? Will it cost you anything? 
Not at ALL!!

Celebrate what can be alleviated with a simple genuine act of kindness and look at others in the same way you would want to be looked at...as a HAPPY person. When the time comes to truly have fallen in love, you'll want nothing but the very best for EVERYONE around you and even for strangers! Funny yet TRUE! It's amazing what it can really make you do when you feel so warm, fuzzy and HAPPY inside!

Even though it's been 13 years since I first fell in love and 11 years since my heart last loved, I remember it just like it was yesterday, and I can say to ALL of you truthfully, it's such a GREAT feeling!! These days I still love no matter what, and just like this song states:

You're in love
That's the way
It should be
'Cause I want you to be happy
You're in love
And I know
That you're not in love with me
Ooh it's enough
For me to know
That you're in love
Now I'll let you go
'Cause I know
That you're in love
 <3

What's worse than what you HAVEN'T done?

We humans speak through different variables of language and different ways of communication. We would much rather communicate to the person next to us and answer to them, rather than answering to ourselves and seeing what really IS going on with us. 

Many times per day we question our own minds, 

so much at times that we tend to go on overdrive and expect immediate answers to our inexperienced situations.We bust ourselves so much that we blame the TRUTH on what we "could've, should've and would've" done, NOT on what "CAN" and "HAVE" to do.

It's easy to think and know what our drive can do for us and how far were to go if we've tried everything possible to achieve a simple "pat" on the back. Well, it's time to stretch the outcome, time to stretch the ability of not what we already "HAVE" done, rather, what we "HAVEN'T" done.

Just when you couldn't of thought of a worse action, one where you're doing so by

 challenging your own self.

"I've done what I can, no matter what I do I"ll get the same result"

"I did what I could, we'll just see what happens"

"What else is there to do? I don't see a way out"

"What do you mean? I've given 100% and still nothing!"

Sound familiar? I thought so. I used to say these phrases ALL the time, expecting for the answer to mysteriously appear right in front of my eyes. Well, the answers never came the way I wanted them to, they instead, never really came at all, and I was comforted by knowing that they would never come. Talk about LOST IN YOU OWN TRANSLATION! Sounds a lot like a form of giving up, only giving up has an ending, and this here, doesn't, it remains open with a ray of hope to come and rescue the lost and confused. 

What can you do to make it better?

FIGHT!!!

Do you ever feel like you've put up a fight and yet you get nothing? No resolution? 

 It's because you never really put up the fight to make it to the end. You've done ALL that you could, only now, you've chosen to give up and wait an eternity for the solution, although, don't complain later about what you've done, complain about what YOU HAVEN'T done.

There's always a loophole, a way out, an answer to confusion. 

Yet, you mean to tell me that there isn't one? It's a fallacy, a lie? Well, I don't buy it. Until you've given what your heart can, what tears your eyes can shed, the wear and tear of your soul, having dissected each compartment of your heart, until you've given not 100%, rather 500% of your being to know that what you HAVEN'T done HAS been done, 

then rest assure a definite answer is upon arrival. 

Don't expect the answers, GET the answers,

 explore and conquer what you HAVEN'T done!

Personal Heartbreak=Success

Just when you think when you can't show who you really are and what you can do, something heartbreaking comes along to give you that extra push, 

and behold, 

you've MADE it!

Success is defined by only stardom these days...how many times your work has been in a magazine, how many times you've been on a T.V. show, how many credits you've received in films, or even my personal favorite, how many sex tapes you've had circling around the internet. The word "Success" has become this flashy word that only lasts 15 minutes, and you're lucky if you get a second opportunity to make it a full 30 minutes worth.

Every week I hear and see SO MANY people always try to upstage and back stab each other in trying to make themselves look like they're heroes. Now remember, I network plenty on my own and only pay attention to what my clientele needs and have no need to dip into others' territory. 

Part of being who you are is staying true to who you've become. 

If you've needed to cut ways and dig deep into others' personal boundaries, unfortunately, you'll see and become the outcome of your own doing. If you've allowed time to make it's territory and it's availability to fit your schedule, no matter how long it's taken, you'll see the outcome to your patience for what IS, and NOT what HAS to be.

Everyone's story is different, although many of us share the same rise to our own Success. My cousins and closest friends always comment in texts and over the phone how they're so proud of what I've become, how far I've been able to reach my dreams and even how tired I look (which makes me laugh every time), yet they still see the fire burning inside my actions and my heart.

TRUTH be known, I don't see what they see, I see my experiences and titles as accomplishments that have allowed me and still continue to allow me to grow and prove myself day after day, no matter the location or who I'm having the pleasure to work on, whether it be my next door neighbor, my siblings, or a recording artist. I treat everything and everyone the same, I do what I do to make people happy and to help them, NOT to please myself (as much as I tease about it).

Every job I've had, to this day, I've always had at least up to 2 people try to pull me down with their words, actions, and their disbelief. In the beginning, I didn't think people were capable of such wrong doing, yet I learned year after year that the human mind can overrule the heart in a matter of seconds. I can count at least 4 people right now that are after me, and it's O.K. I don't fall for the tactics and show no emotion other than that of my craft, which is my heart for creativity. I've had to cover myself plenty of times, told lies of my own to make sure the direction of wrongdoing makes a shift like train tracks do, and have had times where it works, others where it simply doesn't, and that's where you make notes of what should and shouldn't be done for future events of the same nature. To survive the negativity, one must shift it although NEVER at a price or someone else's expense.

  It breaks my heart to know that as much as someone can say, "I love what you do"  when they really mean, "I hope you crash and burn so I can shine"....it's mind boggling! Though, that's the name of the game, and if you REALLY want it, you'll go through what you need to go through.

  My sister Mari, being my business manager for all I do, said to me one night,

"Don't give into your hype, go back to basics and discover why it is you love what you do so much, and let those tears out, it'll keep your heart clean".

Success in my book is when you make others feel what you feel, 

which is LOVE, LIFE and HAPPINESS...

until then, make sure you do things for the right reasons, for the greater good, 

and you'll FEEL yet WON'T SEE what Success truly is.

A Thousand Years

Christina Perri
comes to the music world as an innovative artist that simply writes and sings straight from the core of her soul. She came out into the scene in 2010 with her sultry ballad "Jar of Hearts" which sampled a great view into this singer-songwriter's world through her heart and lyrical desires. When "Jar of Hearts" came onto the scene, everyone loved the song for it's truth of brokenness and for it's truth of loveless hope. How Christina was able to portray her sorrows in her debut song just like Adele, Sarah McLachlan, Alanis Morissette, amongst other great singer-songwriter's have done it before her, she really connected to her target audience...the "Lovelorn"!

Fast forward to late 2011 when "Twilight: Breaking Dawn Pt. 1" premieres, and in the midst of the movie, we hear a familiar voice that expresses love's emotional desire...

in comes...

"A Thousand Years".

While I watched the movie, I couldn't get this song out of my head! I looked for it as soon as I could and got it on iTunes. Did I identify with the song? Of course!! Although, not in the vampire-human love it portrays in "Breaking Dawn", more of the likes of looking at someone from far away, feeling the shakes, butterflies in the pit of your stomach, walking to them and admitting to yourself that by a glance, you're able to say:


I have died everyday  
waiting for you,
Darlin' don't be afraid 
I have loved you
For a Thousand years,
I'll love you for a  
Thousand more.

This by far has got to be one of my FAVORITE choruses in a song in a very LONG time! Christina couldn't have described it that much greater! What makes it a great song is not only it's lyrical content, it's in the delivery, the vocal that deepens the song. It's easily drafted, easily composed without any major tricks, it simply just is, point blank!

LOVE itself is complex in so many different areas in LIFE. At times, various points in our lives, we want it so bad that we'll feel like we can settle down for anyone who has LOVE to spare to come our way. Yet, if you've ever had a broken heart, been divorced, have done the breaking up or vice versa, you'll know that LOVE NEVER COMES EASY, and it just doesn't show up when YOU want it to, it shows up when YOU least expect it, meaning, when YOU'RE ready.

You can make someone want you for the wrong reasons, and in due time, it'll catch up to you where you'll see freely, that it doesn't belong. Many stay in these type of relationships for years, and don't want to see what's really going on. Therefore for those in search of LOVE, this is the definition:

"An emotion of a strong affection and personal attachment"

This is MY definition of LOVE:

A discovery and connection of personal intuition deriving from the mind as it bonds together to the emotional state of the heart.

As stated in blogs before, I've only felt LOVE's exact definition only ONCE and I've acted upon MY definition of LOVE...only ONCE as well....what am I waiting for? 

Well, I'm waiting for the day that LOVE's definition and MY definition will one day come together for the right person and for my heart to say:

 I have died everyday  
waiting for you,

Darlin' don't be afraid 
I have loved you
For a Thousand years,

I'll love you for a  
Thousand more.