Catering to the Unkind Mind

This year marks 17 years that I've been working in the beauty industry. 

An industry that I've been in and come to wonder and question so much about more than any other year. 

2018 so far has been such a revelation to me because of how unfair we seem to be within our own selves and how awful us humans seem to be with our own reflection. Let me go out there and say that it has more to do with what the mirrors reflect upon. 

A mirror only has power to reflect what others see on the outside, it's our unkind mind that has us plagued and therefore it takes over like a dark cloud on a rainy day.

Catering to the unkind mind  has been my specialty for so long that its taken me years to understand how people work their way into seeing themselves in a whole aspect than what I'm able to comprehend just from standing behind them.

Anywhere from the aspects of feeling drab, ugly, outdated, bored, sad, broken or even lost, sometimes the soul's sitting in my chair have ALL of these feelings inside them, or maybe just one. Once I'm able to pinpoint their insecurities, its time for me to strap those demons and wrestle with them and hopefully continue to keep them tied up long enough for my clients to be able to see what beauty they can possess without seeing what they feel on a daily basis.

I'm not kidding when I say this:

I take these demons home with me at times knowing well what havoc they'll wreak on me and my mind. Although I can affirm that I am a strong person, I still have vulnerabilities that I myself must wrestle with from time to time. 

I take home anything from heartache, cancer, rejection, depression, domestic violence, substance abuse, etc. You name it, I've wrestled with it. 

The key to rising above it is knowing who you belong to, ACCEPTING your inner demons and trusting that they too have an expiration date. As much as people can be beautiful, they can also destroy the most treasured part of your being. 

Trust me, I too know what it's like to be in complete darkness, its fear and its objectifying sense of static freezing cold nature. It's a wave that has come from time to time, a cloud that will rear its ugly fog to make me believe that it can consume me again like it once did. Yet I know better now, I know where I stand when I look in a mirror, I know where I stand when I face the world and I know where I stand when I pray to the skies.

ACCEPT yourself

DIMINISH the darkness

RELY on your self worth

FIGHT for who you wish to become

Should you need help, you know where I am and I'll fight right alongside you.

Intimate Light

Any source of LIGHT can be bothersome, whether it be the sun, a light in your house, or even a bright person who has that special lit soul inside (you know which one's I'm talking about). 

The one LIGHT source I can personally tell you that isn't bothersome is the one we hid inside. If anything it's uncomfortable. 

Yet the funny thing is that as kids we ALL tend to rely on this source of LIGHT to get us through some of the most awkward times in our lives. Then we grow up and the more that others offer their opinion on it, the more we seem to dim it and not let it become anything more than a small spark of nothing.

Is that all we think of ourselves as?

 A small spark of nothing? 

So that others can accept us as such?

Well here's the reality...

If anyone realizes that you're LIGHT is awkward, bothersome and/or annoying, time to let them go and have them seek shelter elsewhere because ALL they'll ever offer you is the sharp end of their own insecurities, a place NO ONE has the time to be laying around in. 

A LIGHT is to be celebrated, to have appreciation for, to see what it can bring to your own life and what it can offer you if more than a smile and warmth. 

If you already know you're worth and have seen your intimate LIGHT, by all means, please share your brightness with the world for it needs your warmth and stability.

If you haven't found it yet, don't worry, once you recognize the spark that lights it all, capture the moment and start the process of your GROWTH. 

 When its time, 

its TIME.

Pretty Faced Fool

Coming to terms with a "Pretty Faced Fool" is the best solution one can have.

Every opportunity that we get to go through either happens to destroy us or makes us stronger. 

Of course all in due time and with every word said, every feeling felt and every tear drop, something makes us come to terms with it all:

We are the "Pretty Faced Fool".

Take a long hard look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself, 

"Am I my only option to get better?"

The answer is solely up to you, although I will say, NO option is better than yourself.

Some may say, "I was taken for a ride and a part of me died in the process", while others say, "I don't know how to regain myself, I don't know who I am". 

Losing oneself requires ONE thing, a selfless yet selfish act to put others on top of it all. Even when looking in the mirror, you put yourself aside and see everyone but you. 

Until the time comes when the bubble bursts and you're left with no one in the mirror but your own reflection. 

Should you not recognize yourself, should you feel like a part of you died, and/or should you feel like you're numb to it all, my message to you is this:

Nothing looks better and no one looks better in that reflection more than the person looking right back at you. Sounds corny right? Well it's true simply because you're filled with experiences, you can now learn to appreciate every aspect of pain, and you can tolerate ANY part of your loss and create what we like to call STRENGTH. 

Give it a try, you might feel like a fool, but at least,

you're a 'Pretty Faced Fool'.

'Pretty Faced Fool',  by Jewel talks of a person coming to terms with what they're romantic relationship has come to be and how they'll gather the strength to move on past this troubled patch.

-->B.L.Q. 0 Era Pt.1<--

B.L.Q.0 Era Pt. 1

Its been 2.5 years since I last posted any of my thoughts...

well, this ERA I like to call the

 "B.L.Q. 0 Pt. 1".

It starts from "Where do I Stand?" and goes to "Make It Count". 

Part 2 will come later in the year, for now, 

enjoy these thoughts at your leisure.

Where Do I Stand?

This BASIC question can trigger so many other questions and leave you with NO answers.

Being stuck in the middle of BLACK and WHITE with no comfort zone can be an unconscious decision yet one that we determine for ourselves should we be indecisive. 

One way or the other, there's always a pleasing factor involved to see where we fit in LIFE. 

All these thoughts beg to ask the question:

"Where do I stand?"

The answer is pretty simple...you stand wherever you'd like to stand, as long as you feel a need to be there and you feel comfortable with yourself.

There is such a thing as the "Gray" zone. A zone where many people feel the need to be a part of, not because they don't belong in the black and white comfort zones, more than likely because they WON'T belong in those areas.

Nothing breaks us down more that having the need to belong to someone or something. The more we understand what we want the more we have the need to not call ourselves black or white. Yet there's also a huge population that feel comfortable being in either black or white, and if that fits them, there's nothing wrong with it.

 Case in point, both my parents love the black and white spectrum, that is who they are and who they'll always be.

Knowing you belong is half the battle, while representing who you are is of the utmost important aspect because it is YOU who will showcase to the world that you can be a mix of the LIFE and still live a different perspective than the 'normal' population.

I've always considered myself a little bit of this and a little bit of that with a splash of sparkle. While most can take it as me being wishy washy, it's more of a collection of my past, who I am in my present, and what I want my future to become.

I'm as much part of my rainbow as I'm much part of my cross...

That is where I stand.

The Reality: Faith & Sexuality

It's not getting any easier going on 34...it's getting harder.

My young years and into my teens, there was a lot of hiding...my late teens and young adult years, I had to come out and convince myself of my own exploration. In my late 20's and early 30's, I'm losing people.

Losing people when I was younger wasn't as hard hitting as it is now. In my early 20's I was still discovering myself, yet still abiding by my morals and making sure I didn't push the envelope as much. I remember seeing the whole "LIFE" thing as a game until reality set in. 

I wasn't allowed to be me and express my views. There's always been more to me than just being "Gay" though the fact that I'm a hair/make-up artist doesn't really help my cause much. 

Behind closed doors, I'm a chip eating, blanket wearing, movie watching guy who simply loves to relax and watch the world be it's own entity. I don't live the gay lifestyle, whatever that might mean to any of you out there. I keep guarded to make sure my heart and mind stay afloat from the criticism my own career has of my craft. Most importantly I make sure to keep my communication open with the one and only who has gotten me through my toughest times...GOD.

I'm a rare breed to be Hispanic, Gay, and Faithful. I made this joke years ago that ultimately became my reality:

"I'm too Gay for the straights and I'm too Straight for the gays"

Yet I don't feel alone. I did way back when I was discovering all of my many sides. Though the reality of my sexuality has come at a cost of my faith as well.

Communication with my Mom has become extinct. She's chosen to follow her 'Faith' and refuses to see me as anything  but damaged. She said it herself late last year and I can't tell you how much it STILL stings and hurts. It made me question so much and even those around me. With that, I lost a part of me that I've been unable to regain. 

Inside I became angry and refused to believe that ANY love exists, especially if the love of a mother can be extinguished as fast as she ultimately did it. A friend of mine asked me this question after the incident:

"If GOD offered to make you straight to have your Mom back in your life, would you take him up on the offer?"

I said no, because GOD made me this way for a reason, HE knows that I'll survive, and ultimately, if I was straight, it would all still be a fallacy, because this is my reality and nothing I do differently would make another outcome.

Would I make people look at me differently or pay attention to what else I had to offer if I wasn't gay? 

No. I wouldn't want to change me. 

My 17 year old self would've said yes, yet knowing what I know now, I realize why I made decisions the way I made them. I don't regret ONE BIT who I've become. 

They say it takes sacrifice to be able to reach higher ground, and as it so rightfully says in the Bible in John 14:6

Jesus said to him,

 “I am the way, and the truth, and the life.

 No one comes to the Father except through me."

 

I choose to believe in a just GOD, and I continue to be who I am, someone who GOD made me to be...

The Reality.

The personal choice of letting go

I always thought that usually when it meant to "Let Go", the Universe would take care of it and *POOF*, everything was done and you were left with this void waiting for it to get filled in time.

At least, I've never taken the initiative to do so...until now.

I can't tell you the amount of time its taken me to confirm with myself that what I did, what I chose, what I really felt in my heart was the right thing to do. No loss of sleep, thankfully, if anything its been the ride to work, the ride home, when my mind isn't occupied on formulating the right color or trying to send a politically correct answer text that I'm trying to articulate to a selfish client. 

Honestly, when I sleep, I really get the rest I need. My mind shuts off and drifts into an abyss of clouds that to tell you the truth, 9 times out of 10, I don't remember where I go, and when I do, I try to see where my dreams full of premonitions fit in my current state of mind. 

The first time I chose to let go I actually kept having premonition like dreams. I kept dreaming of darkness, spider webs, sewer like conditions with lots of rain. It was one after the other for almost a week. As much as I kept trying to shake it off, I couldn't.

Then it happened.



There's only so much you can discover about yourself especially when being put in a position where there's nothing left to do but to cut the chord, to put it lightly. For weeks after I kept going over my decision and kept having that guilty feeling and saying to myself,
"Did I really make the right choice?"

I have to be honest and say that it didn't get better with time, and yet it didn't get worse. If anything it was a stagnant feeling, a very numb couple months until I could really say to myself, "O.K. I think, no, I believe this was the right thing to do."

The point overall, was that I CHOSE to let go. I didn't feel free, I felt like I was floating and wasn't seeing an end to my gravity like essence for a while. Therapy definitely helped, praying and talking to GOD was essential, and having to ACCEPT what I had CHOSEN was key. In the end, I grew to respect my own decision and as hard as it was to come to terms with it and turn every tear into a smile, was it worth it?

YES.

Breakaway

It's been a while...

I wanted to live LIFE for a bit...

I've seen, I've experienced, I've taken notice...

Now I'm ready to speak up once again...

and finally say...

It's time to breakaway.

Change is a necessity, as well as making a greater path for oneself. I've always wanted to allow others to follow in my footsteps of allowing their hearts to take over, and yet, I myself have experienced that being vulnerable isn't always the best answer.

Strength does come in great numbers, although, it's also reinforced by identifying yourself in the best way you know how. As everything seems so far out of reach, the one thing that will never be out of reach is acceptance, that of your OWN will and ability to be you.

With every year that comes around I'm always aware of what works and what doesn't.

Sometimes, its best to change the path to best fit a simplistic way of life.

I no longer have the need to fight for myself as I once did.

When broken 'Pieces' stay broken

When something materialistic breaks, very rarely can you put it back together, 

even if you try your hardest.

Once something breaks on the inside, for some reason that's the hardest to deal with, 

especially putting yourself first and starting the mending process.

What I've learned to accept is this:

Some relationships, opportunities and ties are meant to break to teach you that you can still live and learn to get stronger even though remnants of those broken pieces will exist.
In reality they were meant to break,
 and that's O.K.

Accepting the reality is half the battle, understanding what life will be like with that broken piece is what can and will take time to make LIFE have its full meaning.
Agreeing with the unknown can be jolting because there's no secure way of making sure that you'll be in good hands and in good spirits.

Ultimately it's up to you to go through a good and/or bad day, and I can testify and say that if you decide that your heart is set to have a couple bad days, its normal and its OK, just allow breathing room and space for there will be much to sort out.

If it wasn't for those broken pieces inside me (there are very few), I don't know what mindset I would've been in especially with how today's world works. I've seen them as tears that have become sharp pieces of glass never to be handled ever again. I can appreciate them from afar, almost like looking back at old pictures, and just like old pictures, they fade with time.

Make It Count

Every now and then I'll be laying down waiting to catch a drift of sleep when I remind myself of wanting to look for inspirational quotes that resonate with what I'm going through at the time or what I've already gone through with my past experiences.

Recently I came upon a quote from one of my favorite English novelists, Charles Dickens, and it read the following:

It really struck a chord with me. In my younger years, this was definitely not the way I lived life. I always wanted to be right and always felt the world was out to get me, therefore I needed a solution  for everything I was going through. It wasn't until I was in my late 20's that I was able to slow down and take time to appreciate what the world had to offer, instead of seeing it as a ticking time bomb. 

Is it easy to say that we won't take matters into our own hands especially feeling like we need retribution against someone who made us feel worthless???

Is it easy to say that we won't blow up on the people we love the most because we can???

Is it easy to say that we won't ever say things that hurt others so deeply that we will feel good about it and not regret a single word, as words can touch also???

I'll say this, we ALL have choices and with those choices, we make our own surroundings and continue to realize what life has in store for us. It's EXTREMELY easy to take matters into our hands and make ourselves feel better no matter any circumstance. Yet, what makes it O.K. to continue such a destructive pattern?!

In all honesty, there's nothing wrong with finding a clear path for yourself, as long as you do it without hurting others, plain and simple. 

Should someone hurt you, don't let them harden your heart, if anything, guard your heart and protect it that much more. Should someone make you flare off your temper, remember that they might be having an even harder day and they're reflecting it off on you. Should someone want to make you come down to their level and make you want to do the unimaginable, reflect that what isn't in your nature isn't you, you don't have that harmful touch. 

Remain selfless, true and expect there to be all kinds of life forms out in the world, yet at the end of the day, there will only be ONE of you, make it count.

 

We Still Made It

Ever look at a situation you've been working on and you want it to prosper in it's own way yet you just seem to be stuck??

When it comes down to it, you have two options...

Keep making a breakthrough or end it...

What will it be??

Choices are based on us ALONE....no one else. You can point a finger, yet, it's not going to make anything better. Either way, it's time to OWN it and accept the actions that are to come. 

Making a breakthrough will build resistance, will make you look at your character and allow you to see what others see from their perspective, and it will become one of the greatest tasks you've EVER endured.

Ending it will cause reflection, resentment, and questioning of your own mind and will make you go crazy IF you decide you made the wrong choice. 

ONE thing both of these CHOICES have in common is that whatever path YOU decide to go in, be PROUD that you came this far! You and the person involved made it this far, you chose strength and confidence to continue to move on with or without eachother.

Failure belongs nowhere near the human heart and it for sure doesn't belong where CHOICE is involved. 

LIFE is full of them...you will make the BEST CHOICE for YOU and those around you...until then, know and be proud to say,

"We still made it!"

Color outside the Lines...Look Outside the Box

When following rules, we must abide to only color inside the lines, for it's customary not to go outside those lines or even go outside of your daily box.

For years what I thought to be the right thing to do, the right way to see the world, the right way to experience LIFE only made it lack an ingredient, nothing was shining. 

There are and will ALWAYS be two sides to everyone's story:

-->Staying inside the box

or

Going outside the box<--

 

I played inside the box, and my heart wanted to burst and communicate to the world that there was something else out there. There was nothing more suffocating than to be confined and be labeled someone you're simply not. So I started adding a bit of color and started looking outside the confinement of choice.

I say 'confinement of choice' because I CHOSE, I was old to enough to know what my world would be like. Adding color seemed to help, it added an extra push of development. Then I took color to a whole different level...I ran with it and made it into something I didn't know could even exist.

 

I made my own shade.

 

 

I colored outside the lines and I began to add texture. Now that I've done so, I can't go back to exploring inside the box and stay inside the lines. I was afraid yes, yet the shade of fear isn't for everyone, especially not me. 

 

Staying inside the box taught me discipline and benevolence...

and going outside the box taught me desire and creativity...

4 aspects I never would've learned had I not challenged myself to 

color outside the lines and look outside the box.

Beauty Starts with US #BLQBeauty

Beauty Starts with US

Having started my career 14 years ago there's so much I've learned along the way, yet only ONE aspect has remained very clear to me:

Beauty starts with US as individuals.

We choose what we want to look like especially when it comes to showcasing ourselves to the world. With the help of hairstylists, make-up artists, estheticians and manicurists to guide us through the path we have desired, they help us create and manifest the image and persona we want to become.

The whole idea of becoming our own image is so we are able to experience different areas of our personalities that we've haven't gotten to explore just yet. 

Some of us now would never have imagined ourselves looking the way we do though because we've been assured and have trusted our beauty advisors that we would look great, we're exposing some of our best images and angles to everyone who encounters us today.

I've always said to my clients that it's a 50/50 partnership when looking in the mirror and loving the new and improved 'YOU'. We were both able to achieve it together.

The inside is what makes US whole, 

and together, 

we can reach the beauty that starts with US.

Fearless Beauty #BLQBeauty

The next few blogs will be featuring an intimate and personal account as to what BEAUTY means to each individual.

We start with BLQ's Assistant and her account on Beauty:

 

Fearless Beauty

Love the imperfections that make me unique,
Such an easy concept to understand, yet so elusive,

So typical to take dozens of pictures,
In hopes of finding perfect lighting with the right angle,

All just to appear flawless,
No Scars, dark circles, big pores, redness, uneven skin tone, or wrinkles,
 
What am I scared of?

Letting my guard down can be one of the scariest things, yet so empowering.
Seeing who I really am,

Loving myself for every version of me:
Whether it's no make up and in sweats, full glam, or somewhere in between.

It's so easy to get carried away with makeup, filters, 
Or anything not to let people see flaws,

Just have to remember not to forget who I am. 

By :Ilda Gutierrez
 

Drunk with Love

Expect the unexpected when "Love" falls in your lap. You can be taken for a spin that can ultimately change it ALL. Never under or overestimate it. You don't know what LOVE will require of you until you have to go through it. 

Some turn a deaf ear, others go blind, or go in so deep that it makes their entire
 world a whole new journey.

The case is closed when it comes to the heart. 

It longs for acceptance and a firm grip; making LIFE that much easier. No matter what it takes, the heart will choose and do what it needs to do.

Remembering what it felt like to be in love, in my situation I'd have to say it was a "drunk" kind of love. I couldn't get enough of what I was feeling and kept asking for more. It wasn't an overflow by any means. Yet, if I had to compare it to anything, it was a bittersweet wine that made anything and everything go away. The more I had, the more blind and oblivious I was to my inner world, let alone the outside world. 

 

It felt so good to have more than an infatuation, than an addiction, than a wink, and something more than a butterfly kiss. It felt so good to have something so warm that kept me alive.

I got so drunk with love that it made me go on a whole different path in LIFE. 

LOVE did what it was set out to do. 

It fulfilled me...until next time.

 

A Christmas Food Memory

Coming from a Mexican American family, Christmas was always a special time. As kids, we had to go to sleep early so that Santa Claus could come in the middle of the night to leave our presents under the tree.

Such a joyous time! 

Always meant for us to be on our best behavior, especially when going shopping. Knowing what we already wanted, we were forewarned by Mommy Dearest to not ask for anything, because Santa already knew what we truly wanted, and it was unfair to the other kids around the world. 

Yet, aside from Santa Claus and Christmas shopping, we had a tradition that went on for years & years that of course required my favorite substance in the world...FOOD!

Every year close to 2 dozen Tamales were made by hand. I, of course, would oh so generously volunteer to be the taste tester on a Saturday for about 6-7 hours and help make them (not continuously). By the time the tamales were all done and ready to be served, I was on the couch ready to go to sleep with no desire to eat anymore. 

It was a blissful time I have to say!

Then came the wonderful time I was in charge of stirring the chocolate based drink called Champurrado. A very tedious process that requires an individual to continuously stir the much loved mexican drink for 3 hours...yes 3 hours! Just standing there and stirring! No iPod back then, couldn't find my walkman, and my discman had no batteries... I was going insane! I tried to convince Mommy Dearest that for all that time I spent stirring she would have to pay me....yeeeaaah that didn't work, though it was worth a try! 

All said and done, the Champurrado came out just as she had wished, all thanks to her ingredients and my  constant stirring.

Since I've started my career much of that food tradition has died down, especially since our relationship has suffered in part to our conflicting personalities. Nevertheless, these and many more memories continue to live in my heart and I can remember them fondly as I look back and laugh. 

If you haven't had Tamales or Champurrado, 

I urge you to give them both a try, your taste buds will love them!

Never

Never Say Never.

Never means Never.

Never leads to Never.

Like the rain, it NEVER means to do us any harm...if anything it comes around to cleanse and nourish what is dry.

Above it all as humans we are meant to make memories in LIFE and are meant to pave the way for others to come in and follow our lead. Yet we make it difficult at times to allow others into our world for FEAR that we will ONE DAY be forgotten. It's NEVER meant to be that way, though the heart makes it into another story.

 

You can keep guessing why things happen the way they do and why they are meant to be for a specific action. We want to make sense out of those moments, we want to begin to come around and learn from our past, though if you dive into the past a bit too much, you might get stuck there once again. You NEVER mean to go in too deep.

See the pattern?!

There will ALWAYS be "too much"...
There will ALWAYS be "why now?"...
There will ALWAYS be "can't you see?"...

We will ALWAYS want to seek into the FUTURE without having to prepare for what we're about to hear and try to comprehend the information provided for us. We just want to take a peek...just a peek into what will become of us. Once you get "too much" information then you'll ask yourself "why now?" are you seeking this out and "can't you see" that everything is overwhelming and you can't just be without having to question yourself even more than ever.

We are REAL, we are in a TRUE LIFE setting and let's not forget to LIVE without wanting to know everything in advance for our struggles dictate our paths and our survival mark our paths. 

NEVER Say Never.

--To opportunity

Never means Never.

--You'll always be you, not someone you're not.

Never leads to Never.
--You'll follow YOU, take your OWN lead.

~`Compare and Contrast: What WAS and What Can Be`~

So much can happen in such little time that the actual PRESENT can
become the PAST in a matter of seconds.
I myself have grown tired of letting others dictate what my present and future should become.

It's a shame that at some point, situations along with personalities have to collide at some point and when they do, it's a shock yet one of those, "It was meant to be" kind of moments.

"Give me a reason to let you go, allow me the opportunity to clear and wipe the slate clean, send me a sign knowing that it's ALL said and done."

I used to cringe at the thought of losing, at the thought of having to let go and needing to move on because that's what LIFE wanted me to do.
Not anymore. 

I've embraced loss and have been able to appreciate WHAT I've lost because now I understand the path that LIFE holds when time is up. 

I used to want to catch my breath when facing the inevitable, for it would always be like taking a punch to the stomach. Though once I stopped fighting against the waves that came crashing I realized that the worst had already come, all that needed to be worked on was to see how much light I could bring to the darkness and depth of loss.


Everyone has a moment where you know it's time to move on. You've done all that you've been able to do to level out any bumps in the road and patch up any holes that needed new pavement. Until you've run out of options, and quite frankly, running out of options is actually a PATH that has been well lit for a long time, we've just denied to look into it.

Traveling is the key, experiencing is the key, LIVING is the key. I can't deny a well lit path when it's rays have been so bright that it naturally looks SAFE to walk through. Even though there are no promises to ANYTHING that might happen while on that path, there is a CHOICE, a DECISION, and HOPE to keep me alive and well while I mend my "present past".

Nothing is promised to us and nothing is a lifetime warranty, though keeping ourselves ALIVE and advancing with a ray of hope is what will get us through the point of what WAS, and we'll live to UNDERSTAND what CAN be.

Just by saying 'I Love You'

Nothing is real until you go through what you need to go through.

Everything has it's limit, it's own LIFE span and above it all, it has it's own desired meaning. 

Many things are said and done, and as much as we wish to deliberate and want to add to our actions, the time has simply lapsed and the only way it can get corrected, is by OWNING up to what was said and done. 

-->They're simple yet the most desired words you can ever say to a person,
Actions can motivate you to express it,
A peck on the cheek can say it for you,
Though it can be simple enough
Just by saying 'I Love You'.

The affection of a hug, The affection of strength,
 The affection of the human touch,
Brings light to the flame,
The ONE thing that keeps the heart going,
Just by saying 'I Love You'.

The smirk that brings everything out of the shadow,
The smile that leaves the sadness behind,
The laughter that shelters from the rain,
The harsh conditions of LIFE will go away,
Just by saying 'I Love You'.

A promise can be written within the word,
 A broken piece of your heart can be forgotten,
The luxury of turning away cannot live alone,
As erasing all the good can be done by leaving,
I once wished you could've changed your mind,
Just by saying 'I Love You'.

I explored the world with your silence,
I kept the broken promise in hopes of finding you,
I wrote endless amount of LIFE in my empty space.

It all came full circle to become what I was in search of,
You live LIFE your way as I LIVE mine,
All along to discover that it was I who could feel again,
It came to me once again,
It was I who did it,
It is I who learned to LOVE,
Just by saying 'I Love You'.<--

--> Erik Velasco 2014 

(Inspired by the song "More Than Words" by Extreme)

The Struggle

"Are you going to be something else I have
     to survive? Cause I'll tell you the
     truth, I'm not up to it."

-->Erin Brockovich (2000 Film)

Nothing beautiful comes to us easy...

you have to go through the ugly to know what beauty is.

 

As kids we see what adults have and crave in some way to have just that for when we grow up and much more. Little did we understand what the 'Struggle' was for those adults to have and maintain what our eyes were craving. 

You can't have it all, though if you work hard enough you can accumulate as you go in hopes of reaching your goal. What makes us UNDERSTAND ultimately what we want is the very first time we had to 'Struggle'. 

 

 

 It comes in different forms and at different times in our lives. The exposure of having a good thing can prove to be a bit much to handle and we also may not be strong enough to hold it together. 

The most important aspect I've ever lost in my world was my own perspective and path. 

 

I juggled one too many things all at once in hopes that at least ONE path would excel more than the others, yet I found myself in a fog with more than 3 dirt roads leading to a tangled web. My thought process at the time was that I was aiming to gain more than what I was willing to sacrifice. 

 

 

 I thought maybe that if I had already lost quite a bit (in my mind it was enough sacrifice) then it wouldn't hurt to invest in something that would ultimately be beneficial for me ANY which way it turned out.

Therefore I gained more than what I was able to handle and began to have the "Sink Or Swim" mentality. It took me at least 6 years to finally come to terms with my actions. Instead of seeing the world in "Me against Everyone" form, I had to ACCEPT that not every sacrifice deserved a recompense, if anything it needed closure and UNDERSTANDING in order to move on and be ready for the next upcoming chapter in LIFE. 

The Struggle 

 requires it's rightful place to be tested. It will ALWAYS have it's limits and yet, when you feel like you can't take anymore, continue to fight through knowing you'll come out on top UNDERSTANDING that much more about the beauty of sacrifice.